After driving up and down several lanes, I finally found a parking
spot at the shopping mall. I noticed another man driving very slowly
in the same direction, and, since he was closer, I gave him the "Are
you going to park there?" look.
His responding gestures were very confusing. First he shook his head.
Next he pointed at me, then at the parking space and then at himself,
his watch and the mall. Finishing off, he frowned, raised his palms
upward and shrugged. Once I parked, I walked over to the driver to
make sure he didn't want the space.
"You must be single," he replied. "If you were married, you would've
known that was the universal sign for 'Go ahead and take the spot.
I'm waiting for my wife.'"
Monday, June 9, 2008
Postman?
Little Johnny told his mother that he had been playing Postman.
"Postman? How could you do that when you had no letters?"
"Oh, I hadsome letters," replied Johnny.
"I was looking in your closet up in your room and I found a packet of letters tied up with a ribbon, and I posted one under every door on the street."
"Postman? How could you do that when you had no letters?"
"Oh, I hadsome letters," replied Johnny.
"I was looking in your closet up in your room and I found a packet of letters tied up with a ribbon, and I posted one under every door on the street."
Genealogy Report
When my granddaughter, Ann, was nine-years-old, she was given an assignment by her teacher to write a story on "Where my family came from." The purpose was to understand her genealogy.
I was not aware of her assignment when she asked me at the dining room table one night, "Grandma, where did I come from?"
I responded quite nervously, because my son and daughter-in-law were out of town and I was stalling until they returned home. "Well, honey, the stork brought you."
"Where did mom come from then?"
"The stork brought her too."
"Okay, then where did you come from?"
"The stork brought me too, dear."
"Okay. Thanks, Grandma."
I did not think anything more about it until two days later when I was cleaning Ann's room and read the first sentence of her paper, "For three generations, there have been no natural births in our family."
I was not aware of her assignment when she asked me at the dining room table one night, "Grandma, where did I come from?"
I responded quite nervously, because my son and daughter-in-law were out of town and I was stalling until they returned home. "Well, honey, the stork brought you."
"Where did mom come from then?"
"The stork brought her too."
"Okay, then where did you come from?"
"The stork brought me too, dear."
"Okay. Thanks, Grandma."
I did not think anything more about it until two days later when I was cleaning Ann's room and read the first sentence of her paper, "For three generations, there have been no natural births in our family."
You Know You're A Bad Cook IF....
- The last time you tried to make toast the kitchen caught on fire
- You make tuna noodle surprise for your family and the surprise is that it glows in the dark!
- Your homemade bread can be used as a door stop.
- The leftover crumbs make a great replacement for kitty litter.
- Your kids know what exactly peas porridge in a crockpot nine days old tastes like.
- The EPA requires that all your garbage cans be marked with large bright red 'biohazard' symbols.
- You use the smoke alarm as a cooking timer.
- Your dog goes to the neighbors' to eat.
- When you barbecue, two of your kids hold water guns and the third stands ready by the phone with 911 on speed-dial.
- You've used three boxes of scouring pads, a bottle of Drano and a crowbar, and that macaroni and cheese still won't let go of the pan.
- Your family prays AFTER they eat!
- You make tuna noodle surprise for your family and the surprise is that it glows in the dark!
- Your homemade bread can be used as a door stop.
- The leftover crumbs make a great replacement for kitty litter.
- Your kids know what exactly peas porridge in a crockpot nine days old tastes like.
- The EPA requires that all your garbage cans be marked with large bright red 'biohazard' symbols.
- You use the smoke alarm as a cooking timer.
- Your dog goes to the neighbors' to eat.
- When you barbecue, two of your kids hold water guns and the third stands ready by the phone with 911 on speed-dial.
- You've used three boxes of scouring pads, a bottle of Drano and a crowbar, and that macaroni and cheese still won't let go of the pan.
- Your family prays AFTER they eat!
Pooper Scooper...
In my Sunday School class we were quizzing the children on what they knew about Jesus' birth.
One red-headed boy described the Three Wise Men as "a tall man, a short man, and a medium man who came to visit Jesus." We asked him why they had come.
He replied, "All three men brought boxes to Baby Jesus." So we asked him what was in the boxes.
"Well, in one of them there was a pooper-scooper!" he exclaimed.
Well, that provoked a "why would the Wise Men bring a pooper-scooper?" question.
The look on his face said we obviously didn't know ANYTHING and finally exasperated with us, he answered, "Well, why do you think? With all those animals in the stable Jesus is gonna need to have a pooper-scooper!"
One red-headed boy described the Three Wise Men as "a tall man, a short man, and a medium man who came to visit Jesus." We asked him why they had come.
He replied, "All three men brought boxes to Baby Jesus." So we asked him what was in the boxes.
"Well, in one of them there was a pooper-scooper!" he exclaimed.
Well, that provoked a "why would the Wise Men bring a pooper-scooper?" question.
The look on his face said we obviously didn't know ANYTHING and finally exasperated with us, he answered, "Well, why do you think? With all those animals in the stable Jesus is gonna need to have a pooper-scooper!"
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