Their will be a number of things listed here. Jokes, true stories, sentimental stuff involving me and other things that I find useful to use. Have a Froggie Day! Yvonne
Friday, May 30, 2008
Welcome
Welcome to BabyFroggee's Wild Kingdom Blog.
Their will be a number of things listed here. Jokes, true stories, sentimental stuff involving me and other things that I find useful to use. Have a Froggie Day! Yvonne
Their will be a number of things listed here. Jokes, true stories, sentimental stuff involving me and other things that I find useful to use. Have a Froggie Day! Yvonne
Little Johnny's Big Story
Little Johnny watched his daddy's car pass by th scholl playground and go into the woods. Curious, he followed the car and saw Daddy and Aunt Karen in a passionate embrace. Little Johnny found this so exciting that he could not contain himself as he ran home and started to tell his mother.
"Mommy, I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Karen. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Karen a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Karen helped Daddy taken his pants off, then Aunt Karen...."
At ths point Mommy cut him off. "Johnny, this is such an interesting story. Why don't you save the rest of it for supper time? I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight.
"At the dinner table, Mommy asked little Johnny to tell his story. Johnny started his story: "I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Karen. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Karen a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Karen helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Karen and Daddy started doing the same thing that Mommy and Uncle Jack used to do when Daddy was in the Army.
"Moral: Sometimes you need to listen to the whole story before you interrupt!
"Mommy, I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Karen. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Karen a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Karen helped Daddy taken his pants off, then Aunt Karen...."
At ths point Mommy cut him off. "Johnny, this is such an interesting story. Why don't you save the rest of it for supper time? I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight.
"At the dinner table, Mommy asked little Johnny to tell his story. Johnny started his story: "I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Karen. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Karen a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Karen helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Karen and Daddy started doing the same thing that Mommy and Uncle Jack used to do when Daddy was in the Army.
"Moral: Sometimes you need to listen to the whole story before you interrupt!
The HairCut
A young boy had just gotten his driver's permit and inquired of his father, an evangelist, if they could discuss his use of the car. His father said I'll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little, get your hair cut and we'll talk about the car.
"Well, the boy thought about that for a moment, and decided that he'd settle for the offer, and they agreed on it. After about six weeks they went into the study, where his father said, "Son, I've been real proud. You brought your grades up, and I've observed that you have been studying your Bible, and participating a lot more in the Bible study groups. But, I'm real disappointed, since you haven't gotten your hair cut.
"The young man paused a moment, and then said, "You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that, and I've noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair and there's even a strong argument that Jesus had long hair." To this his father replied, "Did you also notice that they all walked everywhere they went?"
Valentine's Flower
Valentine's Flower
A rose I give to the one I love
A gift that seems so small
It represents so very much
Our love the most of allA petal for the friendship
A petal for the touch
A petal for the trust we share
Our love it means so muchA petal for the kindness
The caring that you show
A petal for the comfort given
When I'm feeling lowA petal for the laughter
And how your eyes do shine
A petal for the dreams we share
And how they intertwineA petal for the deep respect
Which you give with ease
A petal for the love you show
And how you wish to please.A petal for the love we share
A petal for the bliss
A petal for the gentle touch
A petal for your kissA rose I give to the one I love
A gift that seems so small
It represents so very much
Our love the most of all
All Human Beings Have Evil Tendencies
All human beings have evil tendencies, but James teaches us that God will give us more and more grace to meet these tendencies.
I spent much of my Christian life trying to meet my own evil tendencies. All my trying brought much frustration. I had to come to a place of humility. I had to learn that God gives grace to the humble/not the proud.We have our own ideas about what we can accomplish, but often we think more highly of ourselves than we ought. We should have a humble attitude, knowing that apart from God, we can do nothing.
If you are planning your own way, trying to make things happen in the strength of your own flesh, then you are frustrated. You probably have said, "No matter what I do, nothing seems to work!" Nothing will ever work until you learn to trust in God's grace.
Relax. Let God be God. Stop being so hard on yourself. Change is a process, it comes little by little. You are on your way to perfection. Enjoy the trip!
I spent much of my Christian life trying to meet my own evil tendencies. All my trying brought much frustration. I had to come to a place of humility. I had to learn that God gives grace to the humble/not the proud.We have our own ideas about what we can accomplish, but often we think more highly of ourselves than we ought. We should have a humble attitude, knowing that apart from God, we can do nothing.
If you are planning your own way, trying to make things happen in the strength of your own flesh, then you are frustrated. You probably have said, "No matter what I do, nothing seems to work!" Nothing will ever work until you learn to trust in God's grace.
Relax. Let God be God. Stop being so hard on yourself. Change is a process, it comes little by little. You are on your way to perfection. Enjoy the trip!
Rest Awhile
Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy-laden and overburdened, and I will cause you to rest. [I will ease and relieve and refresh your souls] (Matthew 11:28).
Getting stress out of your life takes more than prayer alone. You must take action to make changes and stop doing whatever is causing the stress. You can learn to calm down in the way you handle things.
Jesus invited us to come to Him if we are overburdened. He promised to refresh us if we are weary, worn out, or overworked. Take time to go to Jesus anytime you feel that you are going over the edge of peace and into the pit of stress. Let His presence refill and refresh you.
Getting stress out of your life takes more than prayer alone. You must take action to make changes and stop doing whatever is causing the stress. You can learn to calm down in the way you handle things.
Jesus invited us to come to Him if we are overburdened. He promised to refresh us if we are weary, worn out, or overworked. Take time to go to Jesus anytime you feel that you are going over the edge of peace and into the pit of stress. Let His presence refill and refresh you.
Come Apart to Stay Together
And the effect of righteousness will be peace [internal and external], and the result of righteousness will be quietness and confident trust forever (Isaiah 32:17).
If you are feeling compelled to do so much that you are physically worn out, you may be driven instead of led. Remember, you have to come apart from a busy routine before you come apart yourself. You have to get away from everything before you come apart physically, mentally, and emotionally. Give yourself time to get a good night's sleep.
It is tempting to do everything that everybody else is doing, be involved in everything, know everything, hear everything, and be everywhere, but it isn't God's best for you. Be willing to separate yourself from compulsive activity before you come apart at the seams! Spend time with God, and ask Him to give order to your day.
If you are feeling compelled to do so much that you are physically worn out, you may be driven instead of led. Remember, you have to come apart from a busy routine before you come apart yourself. You have to get away from everything before you come apart physically, mentally, and emotionally. Give yourself time to get a good night's sleep.
It is tempting to do everything that everybody else is doing, be involved in everything, know everything, hear everything, and be everywhere, but it isn't God's best for you. Be willing to separate yourself from compulsive activity before you come apart at the seams! Spend time with God, and ask Him to give order to your day.
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Men Do Remember Anniversaries
MEN DO REMEMBER ANNIVERSARIES
A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband is not in bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wiped a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee. What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room, "Why are you down here at this time of night?"
The husband looks up from his coffee, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 16?" he asks solemnly.
The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring and sensitive. "Yes, I do" she replies. The husband paused. The words were not coming easily.
"Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?" "Yes, I remember" said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.
The husband continued. "Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, "Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years?" "I remember that too" she replied softly.
He wiped another tear from his cheek and said..."I would have gotten out today."
A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband is not in bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wiped a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee. What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room, "Why are you down here at this time of night?"
The husband looks up from his coffee, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 16?" he asks solemnly.
The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring and sensitive. "Yes, I do" she replies. The husband paused. The words were not coming easily.
"Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?" "Yes, I remember" said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.
The husband continued. "Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, "Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years?" "I remember that too" she replied softly.
He wiped another tear from his cheek and said..."I would have gotten out today."
BBQ Season
We are about to enter the summer and BBQ season. Therefore it is importantto refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity, as it's the only type of cooking a 'real' man will do, probably because there is an element of danger involved. When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion:
Routine...
(1) The woman buys the food.
(2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert.
(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill - beer in hand.
Here comes the important part:
(4) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.
More routine....
(5) The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery.
(6) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he deals with the situation.
Important again:
(7) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.
More routine....
(8) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces,and brings them to the table.
(9) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.
And most important of all:
(10) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts!
(11) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed "her night off." And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women....
Routine...
(1) The woman buys the food.
(2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert.
(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill - beer in hand.
Here comes the important part:
(4) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.
More routine....
(5) The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery.
(6) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he deals with the situation.
Important again:
(7) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.
More routine....
(8) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces,and brings them to the table.
(9) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.
And most important of all:
(10) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts!
(11) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed "her night off." And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women....
Top 20 Things you don't Say to A Cop when Pulled Over
The top 20 things not to say to a cop when he pulls you over.
20. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.
19. Sorry officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
18. Aren't you the guy from the villiage people?
17. Hey, you must have been doing 125 to keep up with me, good job.
16. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical shape to be a police officer.
15. I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.
14. Bad cop. No donut.
13. You're not going to check the trunk, are you?
12. Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence.
11. Didn't I see you get your butt kicked on cops?
10. Is it true that people become cops because they are too dumb to work at McDonalds?
9. I pay your salary!
8. So uh, you on the take or what?
7. Gee officer, that's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning.
6. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.
5. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there is no other cars around, that's how far they area head of me.
4. What do you mean have I been drinking? You are the trained specialist.
3. Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag ofcrack, my gun fell off of my lap and got lodged between the brake and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.
2. Hey, is that a 9mm? That's nothing compared to this 44 magnum.
1. Hey, can you give me another one of those full cavity searches?
Office Jokes
**Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings, they did it by killing all those who opposed them.
** If you can stay calm, while all around you is chaos...then you probably haven't completely understood the seriousness of the situation.
** Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job WRONG fourteen times gives you job security.
** Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
** Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity
** A person who smiles in the face of adversity...probably has a scapegoat.
** If at first you don't succeed, try management.
** Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.
** TEAMWORK...means never having to take all the blame yourself.
** The beatings will continue until morale improves.
** Never underestimate the power of very stupid people in large groups.
** We waste time, so you don't have to.
** Hang in there, retirement is only thirty years away!
** Go the extra mile. It makes your boss look like an incompetent slacker.
** A snooze button is a poor substitute for no alarm clock at all.
** When the going gets tough, the tough take a coffee break.
** INDECISION is the key to FLEXIBILITY.
** Succeed in spite of management.
** Aim Low, Reach Your Goals, Avoid Disappointment
** If you can stay calm, while all around you is chaos...then you probably haven't completely understood the seriousness of the situation.
** Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job WRONG fourteen times gives you job security.
** Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
** Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity
** A person who smiles in the face of adversity...probably has a scapegoat.
** If at first you don't succeed, try management.
** Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.
** TEAMWORK...means never having to take all the blame yourself.
** The beatings will continue until morale improves.
** Never underestimate the power of very stupid people in large groups.
** We waste time, so you don't have to.
** Hang in there, retirement is only thirty years away!
** Go the extra mile. It makes your boss look like an incompetent slacker.
** A snooze button is a poor substitute for no alarm clock at all.
** When the going gets tough, the tough take a coffee break.
** INDECISION is the key to FLEXIBILITY.
** Succeed in spite of management.
** Aim Low, Reach Your Goals, Avoid Disappointment
One Day.....
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One day a mother died .
And on that clear, cold morning, in the warmth of her bedroom, the daughter was struck with the pain of learning that sometimes there isn't any more.
No more hugs, no more lucky moments to celebrate together, no more phone calls just to chat, No more 'just one minute'
Sometimes, what we care about the most goes away. never to return before we can say good-bye, Say 'I Love You.'
So while we have it . . it's best we love it . . And care for it and fix it when it's broken and take good care of it when it's sick.
This is true for marriage ... and friendships
And children with bad report cards; And dogs with bad hips; And aging parents and grandparents We keep them because they are worth it, Because we cherish them!
Some things we keep -- like a best friend who moved away or a classmate we grew up with. There are just some things that make us happy, No matter what.
Life is important, and so are the people we know And so, we keep them close!
I received this from someone today who thought I was a 'KEEPER'!
Then I sent It to the people I Think of in the same way!
Thank you very much for being a special part of MY Life !
Heroe's Unaware
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HEROES UNAWARE
By Mark A. Wright, HMC(SS)22 June, 2000
I first saw him on a park bench
I've seen him every day
Sitting in a shady grove
Where my children come to play
Sometimes he feeds the birds and squirrels
Or whittles little toys
Sometimes he just sits and smiles
At the laughing girls and boys
And I never paid him any mind
'Till one day just this year
I noticed that he wore a frown
And on his cheek ... a tear.
Well I asked him why he seemed so down
He looked up, began to say
I lost half my friends 60 years ago today
He told me of the terror
As he fought to reach dry land
By the time the beachhead was secure
Half his friends lay in the sand
That was just in one long day
He fought on for 4 years more
And the 60 years from then to now
Have not dimmed His sights of war
He said they have reunions
Just to keep in touch and share
And for each comrade who has gone on
They leave an empty chair
Well, His park bench has been empty now
About 6 months or so
And if I'd never took the time
Then I never would've known
That sitting on that simple bench
With bread crumbs and little toys
Was a man who gave his all
To guarantee my daily joys
So give thanks to all the men and women
Who're still here or have gone before
And made the highest sacrifice
In both Peace time and in War
Because they bought our freedom
Paid their own blood, sweat, and tears
Then endured the heartache of those empty chairs
For all these years
So please do not ignore them
Or speed by without a care
'Cause you never know
When you might pass by
A hero, unaware
Just a Biker? (Dedicated to Holly)
JUST A BIKER??
I saw you hug your purse closer to you in the grocery store line. But you didn't see me put an extra $10.00 in the collection plate last Sunday.
I saw you pull your child closer when we passed each other on the sidewalk. But you didn't see me playing Santa at the local mall.
I saw you change your mind about going into the restaurant when you saw my bike parked out front. But you didn't see me attending a meeting to raise more money for the hurricane relief.
I saw you roll up your window and shake your head when I rode by. But you didn't see me riding behind you when you flicked your cigarette butt out the car window.
I saw you frown at me when I smiled at your children. But you didn't see me, when I took time off from work to run toys to the homeless.
I saw you stare at my long hair. But you didn't see me and my friends cut ten inches off for Locks of Love.
I saw you roll your eyes at our leather jackets and gloves. But you didn't see me and my brothers donate our old ones to those that had none.
I saw you look in fright at my tattoos. But you didn't see me cry as my children where born or have their name written over and in my heart.
I saw you change lanes while rushing off to go somewhere. But you didn't see me going home to be with my family.
I saw you, complain about how loud and noisy our bikes can be. But you didn't see me when you were changing the CD and drifted into my lane.
I saw you yelling at your kids in the car. But you didn't see me pat my child's hands knowing she was safe behind me.
I saw you reading the newspaper or map as you drove down the road. But you didn't see me squeeze my wife's leg when she told me to take the next turn.
I saw you race down the road in the rain. But you didn't see me get soaked to the skin so my son could have the car to go on his date.
I saw you run the yellow light just to save a few minutes of time. But you didn't see me trying to turn right.
I saw you cut me off because you needed to be in the lane I was in. But you didn't see me leave the road.
I saw you, waiting impatiently for my friends to pass. But you didn't see me. I wasn't there.
I saw you go home to your family. But you didn't see me. Because I died that day you cut me off. I was just a biker. A person with friends and a family. But you didn't see me.
EVEN IF YOU DON'T LIKE US, RESPECT OUR RIGHTS TO RIDE WHAT WE CHOOSE AND TAKE A FEW EXTRA SECONDS TO BE SURE WE ARE NOT IN 'YOUR' WAY
Dedicated to the memory of bikers who have lost their lives because those extra seconds were not taken to see if they were there.
*Please be respectful of bikers... Cars don't own the road... *
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Old Ladies Rock!
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An older woman gets pulled over for speeding ...
Woman: "Is there a problem, Officer?"
Officer: "Ma'am, you were speeding."
Woman: "Oh, I see."
Officer: "Can I see your license, please?"
Woman: "I'd give it to you but I don't have one."
Officer: "You don't have one?"
Woman: "Lost it four years ago for drunk driving."
Officer: "I see. Show me your vehicle registration papers, please."
Woman: "I can't do that."
Officer: "Why not?"
Woman: "I stole this car."
Officer: "You stole it?"
Woman: "Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner."
Officer: "You did what?"
Woman: "His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see."
The officer slowly backs away to his car and calls for backup. Within minutes, five police vehicles circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, his hand clasping his half-drawn gun.
Senior Officer: "Ma'am, step out of your vehicle please!"
The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Woman: "Is there a problem, officer?"
Senior Officer: "One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner."
Woman: "Gracious! Murdered the owner?"
Senior Officer: "Yes, ma'am. Please open the trunk of your car."
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but empty space.
Senior Officer: "Is this your car, ma'am?"
Woman: "Of course it is. Here are the registration papers."
The officer is quite stunned.
Senior Officer: "Ma'am, my officer claims that you do not have a driver's license."
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.
The officer examines the license and hands it back to her, looking puzzled.
Senior Officer: "Thank you ma'am. My officer told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner."
Woman: "Oh, my goodness! And I'll bet the liar told you I was speeding, too!"
Becoming Illegal
STILL WAITING FOR MY FORM.....
Becoming Illegal
(Actual letter from an Iowa resident and sent to his senator)
The Honorable Tom Harkin
Dear Senator Harkin,
As a native Iowan and excellent customer of the Internal Revenue Service, I am writing to ask for your assistance. I have contacted the Department of Homeland Security in an effort to determine the process for becoming an illegal alien and they referred me to you.
My primary reason for wishing to change my status from U.S. Citizen to illegal alien stems from the bill which was recently passed by the Senate and for which you voted. If my understanding of this bill's provisions is accurate, as an illegal alien who has been in the United States for five years, all I need to do to become a citizen is to pay a $2,000 fine and income taxes for three of the last five years. I know a good deal when I see one and I am anxious to get the process started before everyone figures it out.
Simply put, those of us who have been here legally have had to pay taxes every year so I'm excited about the prospect of avoiding two years of taxes in return for paying a $2,000 fine. Is there any way that I can apply to be illegal retroactively? This would yield an excellent result for me and my family because we paid heavy taxes in 2004 and 2005.
Additionally, as an illegal alien I could begin using the local emergency room as my primary health care provider. Once I have stopped paying premiums for medical insurance, my accountant figures I could save almost $10,000 a year.
Another benefit in gaining illegal status is that my daughter would receive preferential treatment relative to her law school applications, as well as 'in-state' tuition rates for many colleges throughout the United States for my son.
Lastly, I understand that illegal status would relieve me the burden of renewing my driver's license and making those burdensome car insurance premiums. This is very important to me given that I still have college age children driving my car.
If you would provide me with an outline of the process to become illegal (retroactively if possible) and copies of the necessary forms, I would be most appreciative.
Thank you for your assistance.
Your Loyal Constituent,
Get your Forms NOW!! Call your Internal Revenue Service at 1-800-289-1040.
Please pass this onto your friends so they can save on this great offer!!!!
Becoming Illegal
(Actual letter from an Iowa resident and sent to his senator)
The Honorable Tom Harkin
731 Hart Senate Office Building
Phone (202) 224 3254
Washington DC , 20510
Dear Senator Harkin,
As a native Iowan and excellent customer of the Internal Revenue Service, I am writing to ask for your assistance. I have contacted the Department of Homeland Security in an effort to determine the process for becoming an illegal alien and they referred me to you.
My primary reason for wishing to change my status from U.S. Citizen to illegal alien stems from the bill which was recently passed by the Senate and for which you voted. If my understanding of this bill's provisions is accurate, as an illegal alien who has been in the United States for five years, all I need to do to become a citizen is to pay a $2,000 fine and income taxes for three of the last five years. I know a good deal when I see one and I am anxious to get the process started before everyone figures it out.
Simply put, those of us who have been here legally have had to pay taxes every year so I'm excited about the prospect of avoiding two years of taxes in return for paying a $2,000 fine. Is there any way that I can apply to be illegal retroactively? This would yield an excellent result for me and my family because we paid heavy taxes in 2004 and 2005.
Additionally, as an illegal alien I could begin using the local emergency room as my primary health care provider. Once I have stopped paying premiums for medical insurance, my accountant figures I could save almost $10,000 a year.
Another benefit in gaining illegal status is that my daughter would receive preferential treatment relative to her law school applications, as well as 'in-state' tuition rates for many colleges throughout the United States for my son.
Lastly, I understand that illegal status would relieve me the burden of renewing my driver's license and making those burdensome car insurance premiums. This is very important to me given that I still have college age children driving my car.
If you would provide me with an outline of the process to become illegal (retroactively if possible) and copies of the necessary forms, I would be most appreciative.
Thank you for your assistance.
Your Loyal Constituent,
Donald Ruppert
Burlington , IA
Get your Forms NOW!! Call your Internal Revenue Service at 1-800-289-1040.
Please pass this onto your friends so they can save on this great offer!!!!
Two Blonde Men
A couple of blonde men in a pickup truck drove into a lumberyard. One of the blonde men walked in the office and said, "We need some four-by-twos." The clerk said, "You mean two-by-fours, don't you?" The man said, "I'll go check," and went back to the truck.
He returned a minute later and said, "Yeah, I meant two-by-fours." "All right. How long do you need them?" asked the clerk. The customer paused for a minute and said, "Uh...I'd better go check." After a while, the blonde man returned to the office and said, "A long time. We're gonna build a house."
Angels Amoung Us
Angel Knocking at the Door
There came a frantic knock
At the doctor's office door,
A knock, more urgent than
he had ever heard before.
~~~~
"Come in, Come in,"
the impatient doctor said,
"Come in, Come in,
before you wake the dead."
~~
In walked a frightened little girl,
a child no more than nine,
It was plain for all to see,
she had troubles on her mind.
~~~
"Oh doctor, I beg you,
please come with me,
My mother is surely dying,
she's as sick as she can be."
~~~~
"I don't make house calls,
bring your mother here,"
"But she's too sick,
so you must come or she will die I fear."
~~~~
The doctor, touched by her devotion,
decided he would go,
She said he would be blessed,
more than he could know.
~~~~
She led him to her house
where her mother lay in bed,
Her mother was so very sick
she couldn't raise her head.
~~~~
But her eyes cried out for help
and help her the doctor did,
She would have died that very night
had it not been for her kid.
~~~~
The doctor got her fever down
and she lived through the night,
And morning brought the doctor signs,
that she would be all right.
~~~~
The doctor said he had to leave
but would return again by two,
And later he came back to check,
just like he said he'd do.
~~~~
The mother praised the doctor
for all the things he'd done,
He told her she would have died,
were it not for her little one.
~~~~
"How proud you must be
of your wonderful little girl,
It was her pleading that made me come,
she is really quite a pearl!
~~~~
"But doctor, my daughter died
over three years ago,
Is the picture on the wall
of the little girl you know?"
~~~~
The doctors legs went limp
for the picture on the wall,
Was the same little girl
for whom he'd made this call.
~~~~
The doctor stood motionless,
for quite a little while,
And then his solemn face,
was broken by his smile.
~~~~
He was thinking of that frantic knock
heard at his office door,
And of the beautiful little angel
that had walked across his floor.
~~~~
Share the Blessing of Heavenly Love!
If this E-mail meant nothing to you,
you may go ahead and delete it because
you will not receive bad luck
only a smaller, mis-shaped heart.
~~~~
But if you shared the same emotions as I,
then send it to all who will care.
And as you send it to each person,
your heart will grow bigger and stronger.
~~~~
I KNOW there are Angels among us.......
Women
Why are you crying, a young boy asked his Mom? "Because I'm a woman," she told him. "I don't understand," he said. His Mom just hugged him and said,"And you never will, but that's O.K.".......
Later the little boy asked his father,"Why does Mom seem to cry for no reason?".
"All women cry for no reason," was all his Dad could say......
The little boy grew up and became a man, Still wondering why women cry. Finally he put in a call to God and when God got back to him, he asked "God, why do women cry so easily?"
GOD answered.... .. "When I made woman, I decided she had to be special. I made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world, yet, made her arms gentle enough to give comfort...
I gave her the inner strength to endure childbirth and the rejection that many times will come even from her own children. I gave her a hardness that allows her to keep going and take care of her family and friends, even when everyone else gives up through sickness and fatigue without complaining. ...
I gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances. Even when her child has hurt her badly.... She has the very special power to make a child's boo-boo feel better and to quell a teenager's anxieties and fears....
I gave her strength to care for her husband despite faults and I fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart....
I gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife, but sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him. Unfalteringly. ... For all of this hard work, I also gave her a tear to shed. It is hers to use whenever needed and it is her only weakness....
When you see her cry,tell her how much you love her and all she does for everyone and even though she may still cry, you will have made her heart feel good.
She is special! Please send this to women you know, and those with mothers, sisters and special women in their lives. But, also send this to men so they will understand about what a wonderful thing a woman is.
Love Your Mother Always and Keep Her Smiling!
Later the little boy asked his father,"Why does Mom seem to cry for no reason?".
"All women cry for no reason," was all his Dad could say......
The little boy grew up and became a man, Still wondering why women cry. Finally he put in a call to God and when God got back to him, he asked "God, why do women cry so easily?"
GOD answered.... .. "When I made woman, I decided she had to be special. I made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world, yet, made her arms gentle enough to give comfort...
I gave her the inner strength to endure childbirth and the rejection that many times will come even from her own children. I gave her a hardness that allows her to keep going and take care of her family and friends, even when everyone else gives up through sickness and fatigue without complaining. ...
I gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances. Even when her child has hurt her badly.... She has the very special power to make a child's boo-boo feel better and to quell a teenager's anxieties and fears....
I gave her strength to care for her husband despite faults and I fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart....
I gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife, but sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him. Unfalteringly. ... For all of this hard work, I also gave her a tear to shed. It is hers to use whenever needed and it is her only weakness....
When you see her cry,tell her how much you love her and all she does for everyone and even though she may still cry, you will have made her heart feel good.
She is special! Please send this to women you know, and those with mothers, sisters and special women in their lives. But, also send this to men so they will understand about what a wonderful thing a woman is.
Love Your Mother Always and Keep Her Smiling!
THINGS THAT IT TOOK ME OVER 50 YEARS TO LEARN By Dave Barry
THINGS THAT IT TOOK ME OVER 50 YEARS TO LEARN By Dave Barry
1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."
3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
5. You should not confuse your career with your life.
6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
7. Never lick a steak knife.
8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.
12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.
13. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)
14. Your friends love you anyway.
15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.
FINAL Thought for the day: Men are like a fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.
The way to be happy is to make others so.
1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."
3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
5. You should not confuse your career with your life.
6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
7. Never lick a steak knife.
8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.
12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.
13. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)
14. Your friends love you anyway.
15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.
FINAL Thought for the day: Men are like a fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.
The way to be happy is to make others so.
Cute Story
A woman asks her husband, "Would you like some bacon and eggs?
A slice of toast and maybe some grapefruit and coffee?"
He declines. "Thanks for asking, but I'm not hungry right now. It's this Viagra," he says.
"It's really taken the edge off my appetite."
At lunchtime she asked if he would like something.
"A bowl of soup, homemade muffins, or a cheese sandwich?"
He declines. "The Viagra," he says, "really trashes my desire for food."
Come dinner time, she asks if he wants anything to eat.
"Would you like a juicy rib eye steak and scrumptious apple pie? Or maybe a rotisserie chicken or tasty stir fry?"
He declines again. "No," he says, "It's got to be the Viagra... I'm still not hungry".
"Well," she says, "Would you mind letting me up? I'm starving!"
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