A PLANE IS ON ITS WAY TO TORONTO, WHEN A BLONDE IN ECONOMY CLASS GETS UP, AND MOVES TO THE FIRST CLASS SECTION AND SITS DOWN.
THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT WATCHES HER DO THIS, AND ASKS TO SEE HER TICKET.SHE THEN TELLS THE BLONDE THAT SHE PAID FOR ECONOMY CLASS, AND THAT SHE WILL HAVE TO SIT IN THE BACK.
THE BLONDE REPLIES, 'I'M BLONDE, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I'MGOING TO TORONTO AND I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE.'
THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT GOES INTO THE COCKPIT AND TELLSTHE PILOT AND THE CO-PILOT THAT THERE IS A BLONDE BIMBO SITTING IN FIRST CLASS, THAT BELONGS IN ECONOMY, AND WON'T MOVE BACK TO HER SEAT.
THE CO-PILOT GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND TRIES TOEXPLAIN THAT BECAUSE SHE ONLY PAID FOR ECONOMY SHE W ILL HAVE TO LEAVE AND RETURN TO HER SEAT.
THE BLONDE REPLIES, 'I'M BLONDE, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I'M GOING TO TORONTO AND I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE.'
THE CO-PILOT TELLS THE PILOT THAT HE PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE THE POLICE WAITING WHEN THEY LAND TO ARREST THIS BLONDE WOMAN WHO WON'T LISTEN TO REASON.
THE PILOT SAYS, 'YOU SAY SHE IS A BLONDE? I'LL HANDLE THIS, I'M MARRIED TO A BLONDE. I SPEAK BLONDE.'
HE GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND WHISPERS IN HER EAR,AND SHE SAYS, 'OH, I'M SORRY.' AND GETS UP AND GOES BACK TO HER SEAT IN ECONOMY..
THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT AND CO-PILOT ARE AMAZED AND ASKED HIM WHAT HE SAID TO MAKE HER MOVE WITHOUT ANY FUSS.'I TOLD HER, 'FIRST CLASS ISN'T GOING TO TORONTO '
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Life Explained
On the first day, God created the dog and said:
'Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks
past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.'
The dog said: 'That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?'
So God agreed.
On the second day, God created the monkey and said:
'Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span.'
The monkey said: 'Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to
perform. How about I give you back ten like the Dog did?'
And God agreed.
On the third day, God created the cow and said:
'You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the
sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will
give you a life span of sixty years.'
The cow said: 'That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?'
And God agreed again.
On the fourth day, God created man and said:
'Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years.'
But man said: 'Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the
forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?'
'Okay,' said God, 'You asked for it.'
So that is why for our first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy
ourselves. For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family.
For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And
for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.
Life has now been explained to you.
13 Things PMS Stands For
13 THINGS PMS STANDS FOR:
1. PASS MY SHOTGUN
2. PSYCHOTIC MOOD SWING
3. PERPETUAL MUNCHING SPREE
4. PUFFY MID-SECTION
5. PEOPLE MAKE me SICK
6. PROVIDE ME with SWEETS
7. PARDON MY SOBBING
8. PIMPLES MAY SURFACE
9. PASS MY SWEATS
10. PISSY MOOD SYNDROME
11. POOR MEN SUCK
12. PACK MY STUFF
13. POTENTIAL MURDER SUSPECT
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
The Frog
An accountant was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week." The accountant guy took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I'll stay with you for a week and do ANYTHING you want." Again the accountant guy took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
Finally the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
The accountant said, "Look, I work as an accountant. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog - now that's cool."
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week." The accountant guy took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I'll stay with you for a week and do ANYTHING you want." Again the accountant guy took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
Finally the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
The accountant said, "Look, I work as an accountant. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog - now that's cool."
Monday, June 23, 2008
The Big Flash
The Big Flash=========
For those of you who are old enough to remember, what you were doing when you heard the news that President Kennedy had been shot? I was almost seven years old. I was walking down a large hill leading to our house on Rockmart Drive heading home from school. Someone pulled up beside me in a car and said, "President Kennedy has been shot." That's been almost 40 years ago and though I was just a small boy, the memory vividly lingers. Major traumatic events like a camera flash freeze the moment. It is a picture that remains and even time itself doesn't erase it.
Most Americans remember what they were doing when a traumatic event occurred. Today is such a day for me. It's February 6th. The day has no special meaning for most of you but for me it's one of those flash days. It's not exactly the typical Kodak™ moment. February 6th is the day my brother died. I remember receiving a 911 page on my beeper. I had been in the shower and didn't answer the phone. When I returned the call it was my youngest brother telling me that my 38-year-old brother had been taken to the hospital after passing out. It was Sunday morning. I was due to deliver the Sunday morning message in church in two hours. I rushed to the hospital. Only my brother's wife was there when I arrived. She explained the events of the morning. Although I knew from the description it sounded medically serious, I knew my brother was a young, healthy, and vibrant man. The thought of death seemed impossible.
Two of his neighbors were doctors and they rode in the ambulance with him and even went into the emergency room to assist. When his neighbor walked out of the emergency room and walked past us shaking his head he spoke no words. The gesture and look was enough to convey the meaning. This couldn't be. . . and yet it was. It was the greatest mountain that I had ever faced. It was a blinding flash. He had a blood clot in his leg migrate to his lungs. He had complained and gone to the hospital with difficulty of breathing several days earlier. The doctors ran tests and said that he was fine and sent him home. If he had been diagnosed properly, anti-clotting drugs could have easily dissolved the clot before it did fatal damage.
Often mountains are caused by the failure of others to do theirjob properly. People will make mistakes. You will make mistakes. I will make mistakes. Of all of the sermons that I have preached, I can only remember the exact date and subject of one, the sermon that I preached on that Sunday morning. There was nothing fantastic about the sermon just as there was nothing fantastic about my downhill walk on the day PresidentKennedy was shot. But it was a sermon preached in the light of a flash. You remember everything in the light of a flash. In my mind I was tempted to change my prepared sermon and deliver a message appropriate to the moment. A still small voice said, "No, deliver that which you have been given. "The message was entitled, "Would Jesus be happy with your giving?" I later understood the importance of that message in light of the events of that day. When we leave this world, it won't be important what we've gotten, but rather what we gave. All ofour accumulations and possessions won't really matter. Great mountains will change you. They are the challenges and the obstacles that will either make you stronger or break you. They will make you better or bitter, a climber or a complainer The mountain will allow you to see a vision that you can't see from the valley. The mountain can also make you so cringe with the fear of falling that you tightly clamp your eyes shut. You can revel in the purerarefied air. You can gasp for breath from the thinness of it. The mountain can do great or terrible things. It depends on both perspective and preparation. A flash can change your life like none other. It can either blind you or illuminate dark areas where you could not see. It depends on both perspective and preparation.
The Kennedy flash I remember very well but it didn't change me. I was never the same after the February 6th flash. I later preached a sermon about how the experience changed my life. It is still one of the most downloaded and listened to sermonson TheOnLineWord.com. It's called "1 Hour and 40 Minutes." If you ever have the flash of the loss of a loved one, go and listen to “1 Hour and 40 Minutes” and “The Eulogy of EffieThomas.”
It will help you fly over that mountain. I shouldn't say "if" you ever have a flash of the loss of a loved one. If you live long enough, you will have several. Those types of flashes MUST come. It is an inevitable part of life. You cannot stop them and often can't even delay them. The flashes are not the problem. The problem is not being prepared to fly when the inevitable flashes come. How do you prepare for a flash? You don't. You learn to live each day to the best of your ability and to see the beauty. You learn to laugh at the traffic jam instead of cursing it. You learn to smile when someone attacks you. You learn to have patience when the grocery checkout line stands still. You learn to handle the little things. The little things prepare you for the big flashes.
When my brother left this earth, I could honestly say that I had done everything as an older brother that I could have done for him in life. When he had gone to the hospital days earlier I laid my hands on him and prayed a prayer of comfort and peace. His told his wife later that he felt a warm glow go over him and his fear left him. It was just a touch, but a touch in love. Neither of us knew what lay ahead. Neither do you know what is ahead. Don't worry about that. Just do the right thing now. Stay at peace in the grocery line. Stay at peace with the little things. Touch someone in love and treat your brother right. Then you'll be better prepared to handle the big flashes. It depends on both perspective and preparation. Whether the big flashes light you up Or burn you up.
~A MountainWings Original~
For those of you who are old enough to remember, what you were doing when you heard the news that President Kennedy had been shot? I was almost seven years old. I was walking down a large hill leading to our house on Rockmart Drive heading home from school. Someone pulled up beside me in a car and said, "President Kennedy has been shot." That's been almost 40 years ago and though I was just a small boy, the memory vividly lingers. Major traumatic events like a camera flash freeze the moment. It is a picture that remains and even time itself doesn't erase it.
Most Americans remember what they were doing when a traumatic event occurred. Today is such a day for me. It's February 6th. The day has no special meaning for most of you but for me it's one of those flash days. It's not exactly the typical Kodak™ moment. February 6th is the day my brother died. I remember receiving a 911 page on my beeper. I had been in the shower and didn't answer the phone. When I returned the call it was my youngest brother telling me that my 38-year-old brother had been taken to the hospital after passing out. It was Sunday morning. I was due to deliver the Sunday morning message in church in two hours. I rushed to the hospital. Only my brother's wife was there when I arrived. She explained the events of the morning. Although I knew from the description it sounded medically serious, I knew my brother was a young, healthy, and vibrant man. The thought of death seemed impossible.
Two of his neighbors were doctors and they rode in the ambulance with him and even went into the emergency room to assist. When his neighbor walked out of the emergency room and walked past us shaking his head he spoke no words. The gesture and look was enough to convey the meaning. This couldn't be. . . and yet it was. It was the greatest mountain that I had ever faced. It was a blinding flash. He had a blood clot in his leg migrate to his lungs. He had complained and gone to the hospital with difficulty of breathing several days earlier. The doctors ran tests and said that he was fine and sent him home. If he had been diagnosed properly, anti-clotting drugs could have easily dissolved the clot before it did fatal damage.
Often mountains are caused by the failure of others to do theirjob properly. People will make mistakes. You will make mistakes. I will make mistakes. Of all of the sermons that I have preached, I can only remember the exact date and subject of one, the sermon that I preached on that Sunday morning. There was nothing fantastic about the sermon just as there was nothing fantastic about my downhill walk on the day PresidentKennedy was shot. But it was a sermon preached in the light of a flash. You remember everything in the light of a flash. In my mind I was tempted to change my prepared sermon and deliver a message appropriate to the moment. A still small voice said, "No, deliver that which you have been given. "The message was entitled, "Would Jesus be happy with your giving?" I later understood the importance of that message in light of the events of that day. When we leave this world, it won't be important what we've gotten, but rather what we gave. All ofour accumulations and possessions won't really matter. Great mountains will change you. They are the challenges and the obstacles that will either make you stronger or break you. They will make you better or bitter, a climber or a complainer The mountain will allow you to see a vision that you can't see from the valley. The mountain can also make you so cringe with the fear of falling that you tightly clamp your eyes shut. You can revel in the purerarefied air. You can gasp for breath from the thinness of it. The mountain can do great or terrible things. It depends on both perspective and preparation. A flash can change your life like none other. It can either blind you or illuminate dark areas where you could not see. It depends on both perspective and preparation.
The Kennedy flash I remember very well but it didn't change me. I was never the same after the February 6th flash. I later preached a sermon about how the experience changed my life. It is still one of the most downloaded and listened to sermonson TheOnLineWord.com. It's called "1 Hour and 40 Minutes." If you ever have the flash of the loss of a loved one, go and listen to “1 Hour and 40 Minutes” and “The Eulogy of EffieThomas.”
It will help you fly over that mountain. I shouldn't say "if" you ever have a flash of the loss of a loved one. If you live long enough, you will have several. Those types of flashes MUST come. It is an inevitable part of life. You cannot stop them and often can't even delay them. The flashes are not the problem. The problem is not being prepared to fly when the inevitable flashes come. How do you prepare for a flash? You don't. You learn to live each day to the best of your ability and to see the beauty. You learn to laugh at the traffic jam instead of cursing it. You learn to smile when someone attacks you. You learn to have patience when the grocery checkout line stands still. You learn to handle the little things. The little things prepare you for the big flashes.
When my brother left this earth, I could honestly say that I had done everything as an older brother that I could have done for him in life. When he had gone to the hospital days earlier I laid my hands on him and prayed a prayer of comfort and peace. His told his wife later that he felt a warm glow go over him and his fear left him. It was just a touch, but a touch in love. Neither of us knew what lay ahead. Neither do you know what is ahead. Don't worry about that. Just do the right thing now. Stay at peace in the grocery line. Stay at peace with the little things. Touch someone in love and treat your brother right. Then you'll be better prepared to handle the big flashes. It depends on both perspective and preparation. Whether the big flashes light you up Or burn you up.
~A MountainWings Original~
Smile-Breakfast at McDonald's
Breakfast at McDonald's
This is a good story and is true, please read it all the way through until the end! (After the story, there are some very interesting facts!):
I am a mother of three (ages 14, 12, 3) and have recently completed my college degree.
The last class I had to take was Sociology.
The teacher was absolutely inspiring with the qualities that I wish every human being had been graced with.
Her last project of the term was called, 'Smile.'
The class was asked to go out and smile at three people and document their reactions.
I am a very friendly person and always smile at everyone and say hello anyway.So, I thought this would be a piece of cake, literally.
Soon after we were assigned the project, my husband, youngest son, and I wentout to McDonald's one crisp March morning.
It was just our way of sharing special playtime with our son.
We were standing in line, waiting to be served, when all of a sudden everyone around us began to back away, and then even my husband did.
I did not move an inch... an overwhelming feeling of panic welled up inside ofme as I turned to see why they had moved.
As I turned around I smelled a horrible 'dirty body' smell, and there standing behind me were two poor homeless men.
As I looked down at the short gentleman, close to me, he was 'smiling'.
His beautiful sky blue eyes were full of God's Light as he searched for acceptance.
He said, 'Good day' as he counted the few coins he had been clutching.
The second man fumbled with his hands as he stood behind his friend. I realizedthe second man was mentally challenged and the blue-eyed gentleman was his salvation.
I held my tears as I stood there with them.
The young lady at the counter asked him what they wanted.
He said, 'Coffee is all Miss' because that was all they could afford (If theywanted to sit in the restaurant and warm up, they had to buy something. He justwanted to be warm).
Then I really felt it - the compulsion was so great I almost reached out andembraced the little man with the blue eyes.
That is when I noticed all eyes in the restaurant were set on me, judging my every action.
I smiled and asked the young lady behind the counter to give me two morebreakfast meals on a separate tray.
I then walked around the corner to the table that the men had chosen as aresting spot. I put the tray on the table and laid my hand on the blue-eyedgentleman's cold hand.
He looked up at me, with tears in his eyes, and said, 'Thank you.'
I leaned over, began to pat his hand and said, 'I did not do this for you. Godis here working through me to give you hope.'
I started to cry as I walked away to join my husband and son. When I sat downmy husband smiled at me and said, 'That is why God gave you to me, Honey, togive me hope.'
We held hands for a moment and at that time, we knew that only because of theGrace that we had been given were we able to give.
We are not church goers, but we are believers.
That day showed me the pure Light of God's sweet love.
I returned to college, on the last evening of class, with this story in hand.
I turned in 'my project' and the instructor read it.
Then she looked up at me and said, 'Can I share this?'
I slowly nodded as she got the attention of the class.
She began to read and that is when I knew that we as human beings and beingpart of God share this need to heal people and to be healed.
In my own way I had touched the people at McDonald's, my son,the instructor,and every soul that shared the classroom on the last night I spent as a collegestudent.
I graduated with one of the biggest lessons I would ever learn:
UNCONDITIONAL ACCEPTANCE.
Much love and compassion is sent to each and every person who may read this andlearn how to
LOVE PEOPLE AND USE THINGS -
NOT LOVE THINGS AND USE PEOPLE.
Sunday, June 22, 2008
God's Gift to You
Everything God made is good. And nothing
Should be refused if it is accepted with thanks.
1 TIMOTHY 4:4
Life is God's gift to you, and He intends that you celebrate His glorious gift. If you're a person who treasures each day, you will be blessed by your Father in heaven.
For Christian believers, everyday begins and ends with God and His Son. Christ came to this earth to give us abundant life and eternal salvation. Our task is to accept Christ's grace with joy in our hearts and praise on our lips. Believers who fashion their days around Jesus are transformed: they see the world differently, they act differently, and the feel differently about themselves and their neighbors.
So whatever this day holds for you, begin it and end it with God as your partner and Christ as your Savior. And throughout the day, give thanks to the One who created you and saved you. God's love for you is infinite. Accept it joyously and be thankful. AMEN
Should be refused if it is accepted with thanks.
1 TIMOTHY 4:4
Life is God's gift to you, and He intends that you celebrate His glorious gift. If you're a person who treasures each day, you will be blessed by your Father in heaven.
For Christian believers, everyday begins and ends with God and His Son. Christ came to this earth to give us abundant life and eternal salvation. Our task is to accept Christ's grace with joy in our hearts and praise on our lips. Believers who fashion their days around Jesus are transformed: they see the world differently, they act differently, and the feel differently about themselves and their neighbors.
So whatever this day holds for you, begin it and end it with God as your partner and Christ as your Savior. And throughout the day, give thanks to the One who created you and saved you. God's love for you is infinite. Accept it joyously and be thankful. AMEN
The Law of the Garbage Truck
One day I hopped in a taxi and we took off for the airport. We were driving in the right lane when suddenly a black car jumped out of a parking space right in front of us. My taxi driver slammed on his breaks, skidded, and missed the other car by just inches!
The driver of the other car whipped his head around and started yelling at us. My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy. And I mean, he was really friendly. So I asked, 'Why did you just do that? This guy almost ruined your car and sent us to the hospital!' This is when my taxi driver taught me what I now call, ' The Law of the Garbage Truck.' He explained that many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it and sometimes they'll dump it on you. Don't take it personally. Just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on. Don't take their garbage and spread it to other people at work, at home, or on the streets.
The bottom line is that successful people do not let garbage trucks take over their day. Life's too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, so... 'Love the people who treat you right. Pray for the ones who don't.'
Life is ten percent what you make it and ninety percent how you take it!
Beyond Your Hardships
He gives power to the weak,
And to those who have no might
He increases strength
ISAIAH 40:29
We as Christians have many reasons to celebrate. God is in His heaven; Christ has risen, and we are the sheep of His flock. Yet sometimes, even the most devout Christian can become discouraged. After all, we live in a world where expectations can be high and demands can be even higher. If you become discouraged with the direction of your day or your life turn your thoughts and prayers to God. He is a God of possibility, not negativity. He will help you count your blessings instead of your hardships.And then, with a renewed spirit of optimism and hope, you can properly thank Your Father in heaven for your blessings, for His love and for His Son. AMEN
And to those who have no might
He increases strength
ISAIAH 40:29
We as Christians have many reasons to celebrate. God is in His heaven; Christ has risen, and we are the sheep of His flock. Yet sometimes, even the most devout Christian can become discouraged. After all, we live in a world where expectations can be high and demands can be even higher. If you become discouraged with the direction of your day or your life turn your thoughts and prayers to God. He is a God of possibility, not negativity. He will help you count your blessings instead of your hardships.And then, with a renewed spirit of optimism and hope, you can properly thank Your Father in heaven for your blessings, for His love and for His Son. AMEN
Neighbor
If our English word "neighbor" had stuck to its etymological roots, determining who our neighbor is might have been a bit easier. "Neighbor" is derived from a German word that was a compound made up of "near" and "dweller, especially a farmer." In other words, in centuries-ago Germany, a nahgabur was someone, likely another farmer, whom you knew because he lived near you.
But when Jesus told the story of the good Samaritan, He established a definition even older than Europe's Middle Ages. Your neighbor is not someone who necessarily lives near you, nor does it have to be someone with whom you are acquainted.
According to Jesus in Luke 10:25-37, my neighbor is any person who has a need that I am able to meet. Jesus made the point in His parable that the man the Good Samaritan helped was a stranger—not a "near-dweller." Yet the Samaritan assumed the responsibility for doing everything he could to help.
Today we think of neighbors as those who live on our street or in our neighborhood. Yet, using Jesus' definition, we have many more neighbors than those. We need to broaden the boundaries of our neighborhood to include the whole world.
If my heart is right with God, every human being is my neighbor. Oswald Chambers
But when Jesus told the story of the good Samaritan, He established a definition even older than Europe's Middle Ages. Your neighbor is not someone who necessarily lives near you, nor does it have to be someone with whom you are acquainted.
According to Jesus in Luke 10:25-37, my neighbor is any person who has a need that I am able to meet. Jesus made the point in His parable that the man the Good Samaritan helped was a stranger—not a "near-dweller." Yet the Samaritan assumed the responsibility for doing everything he could to help.
Today we think of neighbors as those who live on our street or in our neighborhood. Yet, using Jesus' definition, we have many more neighbors than those. We need to broaden the boundaries of our neighborhood to include the whole world.
If my heart is right with God, every human being is my neighbor. Oswald Chambers
You Know You Grew Up In the 80's
You Know You Grew Up In the 80's if:
1. You've ever ended a sentence with the word SIKE.
2. You can sing the rap to the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and can do the Carlton
3. You know that 'WOAH' comes from Joey on Blossom
4. If you ever watched 'Fraggle Rock'
5. It was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons.
6. You wore a ponytail on the side of your head.
7. You got super-excited when it was Oregon Trail day in computerclass at school.
8. You made your mom buy one of those clips that would hold your shirtin a knot on the side.
9. You played the game 'MASH'(Mansion, Apartment, Shelter, House)
10. You wore stonewashed Jordache jean jackets and were proud of it.
11. You know the profound meaning of ' WAX ON , WAX OFF'
12. You wanted to be a Goonie.
13. You ever wore fluorescent clothing. (some of us...head-to-toe)
14. You can remember what Michael Jackson looked like before his nosefell off and his cheeks shifted. (and he was still black)
15. You have ever pondered why Smurfette was the only female smurf.
16. You took lunch boxes to school...and traded Garbage Pailkids inthe schoolyard.
17. You remember the CRAZE, then the BANNING of slap bracelets.
18. You still get the urge to say 'NOT' after every sentence.
19. You thought your childhood friends would never leave because youexchanged handmade friendship bracelets.
21. You ever owned a pair of Jelly-Shoes.
22. After you saw Pee-Wee's Big Adventure you kept saying 'I know youare, but what am I?'
23. You remember 'I've fallen and I can't get up'
24. You remember going to the skating rink before there were inline skates.
25. You have ever played with a Skip-It.
26. You remember boom boxes and walking around with one on yourshoulder like you were all that.
27. You remember watching both Gremlins movies.
28. You thought Doogie Howser/Samantha Micelli was hot.
29. You remember Alf, the lil furry brown alien from Melmac.
30. You remember New Kids on the Block when they were cool...and don'teven flinch when people refer to them as 'NKOTB'
31. You knew all the characters names and their life stories on 'SavedBy The Bell,' The ORIGINAL class.
32. You know all the words to Bon Jovi - SHOT THROUGH THE HEART.
33. You just now sang those words to yourself.
34. You still sing 'We are the World'
35. You tight rolled your jeans.
36. You owned a bannana clip.
37. You remember 'Where's the Beef?'
38. You used to (and probably still do) say 'What you talkin' 'bout Willis?'
39. You're still singing shot through the heart in your head, aren't you!
1. You've ever ended a sentence with the word SIKE.
2. You can sing the rap to the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and can do the Carlton
3. You know that 'WOAH' comes from Joey on Blossom
4. If you ever watched 'Fraggle Rock'
5. It was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons.
6. You wore a ponytail on the side of your head.
7. You got super-excited when it was Oregon Trail day in computerclass at school.
8. You made your mom buy one of those clips that would hold your shirtin a knot on the side.
9. You played the game 'MASH'(Mansion, Apartment, Shelter, House)
10. You wore stonewashed Jordache jean jackets and were proud of it.
11. You know the profound meaning of ' WAX ON , WAX OFF'
12. You wanted to be a Goonie.
13. You ever wore fluorescent clothing. (some of us...head-to-toe)
14. You can remember what Michael Jackson looked like before his nosefell off and his cheeks shifted. (and he was still black)
15. You have ever pondered why Smurfette was the only female smurf.
16. You took lunch boxes to school...and traded Garbage Pailkids inthe schoolyard.
17. You remember the CRAZE, then the BANNING of slap bracelets.
18. You still get the urge to say 'NOT' after every sentence.
19. You thought your childhood friends would never leave because youexchanged handmade friendship bracelets.
21. You ever owned a pair of Jelly-Shoes.
22. After you saw Pee-Wee's Big Adventure you kept saying 'I know youare, but what am I?'
23. You remember 'I've fallen and I can't get up'
24. You remember going to the skating rink before there were inline skates.
25. You have ever played with a Skip-It.
26. You remember boom boxes and walking around with one on yourshoulder like you were all that.
27. You remember watching both Gremlins movies.
28. You thought Doogie Howser/Samantha Micelli was hot.
29. You remember Alf, the lil furry brown alien from Melmac.
30. You remember New Kids on the Block when they were cool...and don'teven flinch when people refer to them as 'NKOTB'
31. You knew all the characters names and their life stories on 'SavedBy The Bell,' The ORIGINAL class.
32. You know all the words to Bon Jovi - SHOT THROUGH THE HEART.
33. You just now sang those words to yourself.
34. You still sing 'We are the World'
35. You tight rolled your jeans.
36. You owned a bannana clip.
37. You remember 'Where's the Beef?'
38. You used to (and probably still do) say 'What you talkin' 'bout Willis?'
39. You're still singing shot through the heart in your head, aren't you!
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Golfing
A man staggered into a hospital with a concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes, and a five iron wrapped tightly aroundhis throat.
Naturally, the Doctor asked him,"What happened to you??
"Well, I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole; we both sliced our balls into a cow pasture. We went to look for them and while I was looking around I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end. "
"I walked over, lifted its tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife's monogram on it - stuck right in the middle of the Cow's butt.
Still holding the cow's tail up, I yelled to my wife, "Hey, this looks like yours!'
"I don't remember much after that ..."
Naturally, the Doctor asked him,"What happened to you??
"Well, I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole; we both sliced our balls into a cow pasture. We went to look for them and while I was looking around I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end. "
"I walked over, lifted its tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife's monogram on it - stuck right in the middle of the Cow's butt.
Still holding the cow's tail up, I yelled to my wife, "Hey, this looks like yours!'
"I don't remember much after that ..."
Rain
There was a preacher whose wife was expecting a baby so he went before the congregation and asked for a raise. After much discussion, they passed a rule that whenever the preacher's family expanded, so would his paycheck.
After 6 children, this started to get expensive and the congregation decided
to hold another meeting to discuss the preacher's salary. There was
much yelling and bickering about how much the clergyman's additional
children were costing the church.
Finally, the Preacher got up and spoke to the crowd, "Children are a gift
from God," he said. Silence fell on the congregation.
In the back pew, a little old lady stood up and in her frail voice
said, "Rain is also a gift from God, but when we get too much of it, we wear
rubbers." And the congregation said, "Amen."
After 6 children, this started to get expensive and the congregation decided
to hold another meeting to discuss the preacher's salary. There was
much yelling and bickering about how much the clergyman's additional
children were costing the church.
Finally, the Preacher got up and spoke to the crowd, "Children are a gift
from God," he said. Silence fell on the congregation.
In the back pew, a little old lady stood up and in her frail voice
said, "Rain is also a gift from God, but when we get too much of it, we wear
rubbers." And the congregation said, "Amen."
Women
~ Women think all beer is the same.
~ Women brush their hair before bed.
~ Women are paid less than men, except for one field: Modelling.
~ Women never have anything to wear. Don't question the racks of clothes in the closet; you 'just don't understand'.
~ Women need to cry. And they won't do it alone unless they know you can hear them.
~ Women will always ask questions that have no right answer, in an effort to trap you into feeling guilty.
~ Women need to feel like there are people worse off than they are. That's why soap operas and Oprah Winfrey-type shows are so successful.
~ Women always go to public restrooms in groups. It gives them a chance to gossip.
~ Women do not know anything about cars. 'Oil-stick, oil doesn't stick?'
~ Women love to talk. Silence intimidates them and they feel a need to fill it, even if they have nothing to say.
~ Women hate bugs. Even the strong-willed ones need a man around when there's a spider or a wasp involved.
~ Women can't keep secrets. They eat away at them from the inside. And they don't view it as being untrustworthy, providing they only tell two or three people.
~ Women love to shop. It is the one area of the world where they feel like they're actually in control.
~ Women especially love a bargain. The question of 'need' is irrelevant; so don't bother pointing it out. Anything on sale is fair game. ~ Women never understand why men love toys. Men understand that they wouldn't need toys if women had an 'on/off' switch.
~ Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.
~ Women have better restrooms. They get the nice chairs and red carpet. Men just get a large bowl to share.
~ The average number of items in a typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.
~ Women don't understand the appeal of sports. Men seek entertainment that allows them to escape reality. Women seek entertainment that reminds them of how horrible things could be.
~ Women can't refuse to answer a ringing phone, no matter what she's doing. It might be the lottery calling.
~ If a man goes on a seven-day trip, he'll pack five days worth of clothes and will wear some things twice; if a woman goes on a seven day trip she'll pack 21 outfits because she doesn't know what she'll feel like wearing each day.
~ Women keep three different shampoos and two different conditioners in the shower. After a woman showers, the bathroom will smell like a tropical rain forest.
~ Women are never wrong. Apologizing is the man's responsibility, 'It's there in the Bible'. Hmmm, who was it that gave Adam the apple?
Monday, June 9, 2008
Parking Confusion
After driving up and down several lanes, I finally found a parking
spot at the shopping mall. I noticed another man driving very slowly
in the same direction, and, since he was closer, I gave him the "Are
you going to park there?" look.
His responding gestures were very confusing. First he shook his head.
Next he pointed at me, then at the parking space and then at himself,
his watch and the mall. Finishing off, he frowned, raised his palms
upward and shrugged. Once I parked, I walked over to the driver to
make sure he didn't want the space.
"You must be single," he replied. "If you were married, you would've
known that was the universal sign for 'Go ahead and take the spot.
I'm waiting for my wife.'"
spot at the shopping mall. I noticed another man driving very slowly
in the same direction, and, since he was closer, I gave him the "Are
you going to park there?" look.
His responding gestures were very confusing. First he shook his head.
Next he pointed at me, then at the parking space and then at himself,
his watch and the mall. Finishing off, he frowned, raised his palms
upward and shrugged. Once I parked, I walked over to the driver to
make sure he didn't want the space.
"You must be single," he replied. "If you were married, you would've
known that was the universal sign for 'Go ahead and take the spot.
I'm waiting for my wife.'"
Postman?
Little Johnny told his mother that he had been playing Postman.
"Postman? How could you do that when you had no letters?"
"Oh, I hadsome letters," replied Johnny.
"I was looking in your closet up in your room and I found a packet of letters tied up with a ribbon, and I posted one under every door on the street."
"Postman? How could you do that when you had no letters?"
"Oh, I hadsome letters," replied Johnny.
"I was looking in your closet up in your room and I found a packet of letters tied up with a ribbon, and I posted one under every door on the street."
Genealogy Report
When my granddaughter, Ann, was nine-years-old, she was given an assignment by her teacher to write a story on "Where my family came from." The purpose was to understand her genealogy.
I was not aware of her assignment when she asked me at the dining room table one night, "Grandma, where did I come from?"
I responded quite nervously, because my son and daughter-in-law were out of town and I was stalling until they returned home. "Well, honey, the stork brought you."
"Where did mom come from then?"
"The stork brought her too."
"Okay, then where did you come from?"
"The stork brought me too, dear."
"Okay. Thanks, Grandma."
I did not think anything more about it until two days later when I was cleaning Ann's room and read the first sentence of her paper, "For three generations, there have been no natural births in our family."
I was not aware of her assignment when she asked me at the dining room table one night, "Grandma, where did I come from?"
I responded quite nervously, because my son and daughter-in-law were out of town and I was stalling until they returned home. "Well, honey, the stork brought you."
"Where did mom come from then?"
"The stork brought her too."
"Okay, then where did you come from?"
"The stork brought me too, dear."
"Okay. Thanks, Grandma."
I did not think anything more about it until two days later when I was cleaning Ann's room and read the first sentence of her paper, "For three generations, there have been no natural births in our family."
You Know You're A Bad Cook IF....
- The last time you tried to make toast the kitchen caught on fire
- You make tuna noodle surprise for your family and the surprise is that it glows in the dark!
- Your homemade bread can be used as a door stop.
- The leftover crumbs make a great replacement for kitty litter.
- Your kids know what exactly peas porridge in a crockpot nine days old tastes like.
- The EPA requires that all your garbage cans be marked with large bright red 'biohazard' symbols.
- You use the smoke alarm as a cooking timer.
- Your dog goes to the neighbors' to eat.
- When you barbecue, two of your kids hold water guns and the third stands ready by the phone with 911 on speed-dial.
- You've used three boxes of scouring pads, a bottle of Drano and a crowbar, and that macaroni and cheese still won't let go of the pan.
- Your family prays AFTER they eat!
- You make tuna noodle surprise for your family and the surprise is that it glows in the dark!
- Your homemade bread can be used as a door stop.
- The leftover crumbs make a great replacement for kitty litter.
- Your kids know what exactly peas porridge in a crockpot nine days old tastes like.
- The EPA requires that all your garbage cans be marked with large bright red 'biohazard' symbols.
- You use the smoke alarm as a cooking timer.
- Your dog goes to the neighbors' to eat.
- When you barbecue, two of your kids hold water guns and the third stands ready by the phone with 911 on speed-dial.
- You've used three boxes of scouring pads, a bottle of Drano and a crowbar, and that macaroni and cheese still won't let go of the pan.
- Your family prays AFTER they eat!
Pooper Scooper...
In my Sunday School class we were quizzing the children on what they knew about Jesus' birth.
One red-headed boy described the Three Wise Men as "a tall man, a short man, and a medium man who came to visit Jesus." We asked him why they had come.
He replied, "All three men brought boxes to Baby Jesus." So we asked him what was in the boxes.
"Well, in one of them there was a pooper-scooper!" he exclaimed.
Well, that provoked a "why would the Wise Men bring a pooper-scooper?" question.
The look on his face said we obviously didn't know ANYTHING and finally exasperated with us, he answered, "Well, why do you think? With all those animals in the stable Jesus is gonna need to have a pooper-scooper!"
One red-headed boy described the Three Wise Men as "a tall man, a short man, and a medium man who came to visit Jesus." We asked him why they had come.
He replied, "All three men brought boxes to Baby Jesus." So we asked him what was in the boxes.
"Well, in one of them there was a pooper-scooper!" he exclaimed.
Well, that provoked a "why would the Wise Men bring a pooper-scooper?" question.
The look on his face said we obviously didn't know ANYTHING and finally exasperated with us, he answered, "Well, why do you think? With all those animals in the stable Jesus is gonna need to have a pooper-scooper!"
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
Hillbilly Vasectomy
After their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough, as they could not afford a larger bed. So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn't want to have any more children.
The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive. 'A less costly alternative,' said the doctor, 'is to go home, get a cherry bomb, (fireworks are legal in Alabama) light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to your ear and count to 10.'
The Alabamian said to the doctor, 'I may not be the smartest tool in the shed, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me.'
'Trust me,' said the doctor. So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count!
'1'
'2'
'3'
'4'
'5'
At which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and continued counting on his other hand.
This procedure also works in Tennessee, Kentucky, Arkansas, Texas, Louisiana, Georgia, Mississippi, Missouri, Florida, West Virginia and Washington DC.
The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive. 'A less costly alternative,' said the doctor, 'is to go home, get a cherry bomb, (fireworks are legal in Alabama) light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to your ear and count to 10.'
The Alabamian said to the doctor, 'I may not be the smartest tool in the shed, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me.'
'Trust me,' said the doctor. So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count!
'1'
'2'
'3'
'4'
'5'
At which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and continued counting on his other hand.
This procedure also works in Tennessee, Kentucky, Arkansas, Texas, Louisiana, Georgia, Mississippi, Missouri, Florida, West Virginia and Washington DC.
Spaghetti
For several years, a man was having an affair with an Italian woman. One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, He paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child. If she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18.
She agreed, but asked how he would know when the Baby was born. To keep it discrete, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write "Spaghetti" on the back. He would then arrange for the child support payments to begin.
One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife.? "Honey," she said, "you received a very strange post card today." "Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later," he said. The wife obeyed and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted.
On the card was written: "Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, and Spaghetti. Three with meatballs, two without. Send extra sauce."
She agreed, but asked how he would know when the Baby was born. To keep it discrete, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write "Spaghetti" on the back. He would then arrange for the child support payments to begin.
One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife.? "Honey," she said, "you received a very strange post card today." "Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later," he said. The wife obeyed and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted.
On the card was written: "Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, and Spaghetti. Three with meatballs, two without. Send extra sauce."
The Porch
A blonde teenager, wanting to earn some extra money or the summer, decided to hire herself out as a 'handy-woman' and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.
'Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch,' he said, 'How much will you charge me?' Delighted, the girl quickly responded, 'How about $50?' The man agreed and told her that the paint brushes and everything she would need was in the garage.
The man's wife, hearing the conversation said to her husband, 'Does she realize that our porch goes ALL the way around the house?' He responded, 'That's a bit cynical, isn't it?' The wife replied, 'You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those dumb blonde jokes we've been getting by e-mail lately.'
Later that day, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. 'You're finished already?' the startled husband asked. 'Yes,' the blonde replied, 'and I even had paint left over, so I gave it two coats.'
Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50.00 and handed it to her along with a ten dollar tip. 'And by the way,' the blonde added, 'it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus.'
'Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch,' he said, 'How much will you charge me?' Delighted, the girl quickly responded, 'How about $50?' The man agreed and told her that the paint brushes and everything she would need was in the garage.
The man's wife, hearing the conversation said to her husband, 'Does she realize that our porch goes ALL the way around the house?' He responded, 'That's a bit cynical, isn't it?' The wife replied, 'You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those dumb blonde jokes we've been getting by e-mail lately.'
Later that day, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. 'You're finished already?' the startled husband asked. 'Yes,' the blonde replied, 'and I even had paint left over, so I gave it two coats.'
Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50.00 and handed it to her along with a ten dollar tip. 'And by the way,' the blonde added, 'it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus.'
Monday, June 2, 2008
Maxine's Living Will... lol
Maxine's Living Will
I, __________________________, being Of sound mind and body, do not wish to be Kept alive indefinitely by artificial means. Under no circumstances should my fate be Put in the hands of pinhead politicians who Couldn't pass ninth-grade biology if their lives depended on it, or lawyers/doctors interested In simply running up the bills.
If a reasonable amount of time passes and I fail to ask for at least one of the following:
______ Glass of wine
______ Buttered Popcorn
______ Margarita
______ Martini
______ Cold Beer
______ Chicken fried steak and cream gravy
______ Mexican food
______ Cigarette
______ French fries
______ Pizza
______ Bowl of ice cream
______ Cup of tea or coffee
______ Chocolate
______ All of the above,
It should be presumed that I won't ever get better.
When such a determination is reached, I hereby instruct my appointed person and attending physicians to pull the plug, reel in the tubes and call it a day.
I, __________________________, being Of sound mind and body, do not wish to be Kept alive indefinitely by artificial means. Under no circumstances should my fate be Put in the hands of pinhead politicians who Couldn't pass ninth-grade biology if their lives depended on it, or lawyers/doctors interested In simply running up the bills.
If a reasonable amount of time passes and I fail to ask for at least one of the following:
______ Glass of wine
______ Buttered Popcorn
______ Margarita
______ Martini
______ Cold Beer
______ Chicken fried steak and cream gravy
______ Mexican food
______ Cigarette
______ French fries
______ Pizza
______ Bowl of ice cream
______ Cup of tea or coffee
______ Chocolate
______ All of the above,
It should be presumed that I won't ever get better.
When such a determination is reached, I hereby instruct my appointed person and attending physicians to pull the plug, reel in the tubes and call it a day.
Sunday, June 1, 2008
Thought for Today
"Map out your future, but do it in pencil."– Jon Bon Jovi
About Jon Bon Jovi:
Jon Bon Jovi, the popular American musician and actor, rose to fame as the lead singer for the hard-rock band Bon Jovi, best known for their 1986 chart-topping album Slippery When Wet. He was born John Francis Bongiovi in New Jersey in 1962. After two years as a janitor at his uncle's recording studio, he persuaded a producer to record a demo, which became the surprise hit "Runaway." His film roles include Pay It Forward and Moonlight and Valentino. He lives in New Jersey with his wife and four children.
About Jon Bon Jovi:
Jon Bon Jovi, the popular American musician and actor, rose to fame as the lead singer for the hard-rock band Bon Jovi, best known for their 1986 chart-topping album Slippery When Wet. He was born John Francis Bongiovi in New Jersey in 1962. After two years as a janitor at his uncle's recording studio, he persuaded a producer to record a demo, which became the surprise hit "Runaway." His film roles include Pay It Forward and Moonlight and Valentino. He lives in New Jersey with his wife and four children.
Robbery in Colorado with Womens Underwear
Sat May 31, 12:08 AM ET
ARVADA, Colo. - Police in a Colorado town are searching for two robbers whose masks showed plenty of fashion sense but little modesty: women's thong underwear.
A surveillance video released this week by police in Arvada, Colo., shows two unarmed men inside the convenience store. They stole an undisclosed amount of cash and cigarettes in the robbery May 16.
One man wore a green thong and the other wore blue. Each thong barely covered the man's nose, mouth and chin and left the rest of his face exposed. One also wore a pink backpack in which he stuffed the stolen items.
The suspects also wore T-shirts and pants and were described as in their 20s. One had a left arm tattoo.
ARVADA, Colo. - Police in a Colorado town are searching for two robbers whose masks showed plenty of fashion sense but little modesty: women's thong underwear.
A surveillance video released this week by police in Arvada, Colo., shows two unarmed men inside the convenience store. They stole an undisclosed amount of cash and cigarettes in the robbery May 16.
One man wore a green thong and the other wore blue. Each thong barely covered the man's nose, mouth and chin and left the rest of his face exposed. One also wore a pink backpack in which he stuffed the stolen items.
The suspects also wore T-shirts and pants and were described as in their 20s. One had a left arm tattoo.
Friday, May 30, 2008
Welcome
Welcome to BabyFroggee's Wild Kingdom Blog.
Their will be a number of things listed here. Jokes, true stories, sentimental stuff involving me and other things that I find useful to use. Have a Froggie Day! Yvonne
Their will be a number of things listed here. Jokes, true stories, sentimental stuff involving me and other things that I find useful to use. Have a Froggie Day! Yvonne
Little Johnny's Big Story
Little Johnny watched his daddy's car pass by th scholl playground and go into the woods. Curious, he followed the car and saw Daddy and Aunt Karen in a passionate embrace. Little Johnny found this so exciting that he could not contain himself as he ran home and started to tell his mother.
"Mommy, I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Karen. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Karen a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Karen helped Daddy taken his pants off, then Aunt Karen...."
At ths point Mommy cut him off. "Johnny, this is such an interesting story. Why don't you save the rest of it for supper time? I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight.
"At the dinner table, Mommy asked little Johnny to tell his story. Johnny started his story: "I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Karen. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Karen a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Karen helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Karen and Daddy started doing the same thing that Mommy and Uncle Jack used to do when Daddy was in the Army.
"Moral: Sometimes you need to listen to the whole story before you interrupt!
"Mommy, I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Karen. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Karen a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Karen helped Daddy taken his pants off, then Aunt Karen...."
At ths point Mommy cut him off. "Johnny, this is such an interesting story. Why don't you save the rest of it for supper time? I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight.
"At the dinner table, Mommy asked little Johnny to tell his story. Johnny started his story: "I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Karen. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Karen a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Karen helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Karen and Daddy started doing the same thing that Mommy and Uncle Jack used to do when Daddy was in the Army.
"Moral: Sometimes you need to listen to the whole story before you interrupt!
The HairCut
A young boy had just gotten his driver's permit and inquired of his father, an evangelist, if they could discuss his use of the car. His father said I'll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little, get your hair cut and we'll talk about the car.
"Well, the boy thought about that for a moment, and decided that he'd settle for the offer, and they agreed on it. After about six weeks they went into the study, where his father said, "Son, I've been real proud. You brought your grades up, and I've observed that you have been studying your Bible, and participating a lot more in the Bible study groups. But, I'm real disappointed, since you haven't gotten your hair cut.
"The young man paused a moment, and then said, "You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that, and I've noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair and there's even a strong argument that Jesus had long hair." To this his father replied, "Did you also notice that they all walked everywhere they went?"
Valentine's Flower
Valentine's Flower
A rose I give to the one I love
A gift that seems so small
It represents so very much
Our love the most of allA petal for the friendship
A petal for the touch
A petal for the trust we share
Our love it means so muchA petal for the kindness
The caring that you show
A petal for the comfort given
When I'm feeling lowA petal for the laughter
And how your eyes do shine
A petal for the dreams we share
And how they intertwineA petal for the deep respect
Which you give with ease
A petal for the love you show
And how you wish to please.A petal for the love we share
A petal for the bliss
A petal for the gentle touch
A petal for your kissA rose I give to the one I love
A gift that seems so small
It represents so very much
Our love the most of all
All Human Beings Have Evil Tendencies
All human beings have evil tendencies, but James teaches us that God will give us more and more grace to meet these tendencies.
I spent much of my Christian life trying to meet my own evil tendencies. All my trying brought much frustration. I had to come to a place of humility. I had to learn that God gives grace to the humble/not the proud.We have our own ideas about what we can accomplish, but often we think more highly of ourselves than we ought. We should have a humble attitude, knowing that apart from God, we can do nothing.
If you are planning your own way, trying to make things happen in the strength of your own flesh, then you are frustrated. You probably have said, "No matter what I do, nothing seems to work!" Nothing will ever work until you learn to trust in God's grace.
Relax. Let God be God. Stop being so hard on yourself. Change is a process, it comes little by little. You are on your way to perfection. Enjoy the trip!
I spent much of my Christian life trying to meet my own evil tendencies. All my trying brought much frustration. I had to come to a place of humility. I had to learn that God gives grace to the humble/not the proud.We have our own ideas about what we can accomplish, but often we think more highly of ourselves than we ought. We should have a humble attitude, knowing that apart from God, we can do nothing.
If you are planning your own way, trying to make things happen in the strength of your own flesh, then you are frustrated. You probably have said, "No matter what I do, nothing seems to work!" Nothing will ever work until you learn to trust in God's grace.
Relax. Let God be God. Stop being so hard on yourself. Change is a process, it comes little by little. You are on your way to perfection. Enjoy the trip!
Rest Awhile
Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy-laden and overburdened, and I will cause you to rest. [I will ease and relieve and refresh your souls] (Matthew 11:28).
Getting stress out of your life takes more than prayer alone. You must take action to make changes and stop doing whatever is causing the stress. You can learn to calm down in the way you handle things.
Jesus invited us to come to Him if we are overburdened. He promised to refresh us if we are weary, worn out, or overworked. Take time to go to Jesus anytime you feel that you are going over the edge of peace and into the pit of stress. Let His presence refill and refresh you.
Getting stress out of your life takes more than prayer alone. You must take action to make changes and stop doing whatever is causing the stress. You can learn to calm down in the way you handle things.
Jesus invited us to come to Him if we are overburdened. He promised to refresh us if we are weary, worn out, or overworked. Take time to go to Jesus anytime you feel that you are going over the edge of peace and into the pit of stress. Let His presence refill and refresh you.
Come Apart to Stay Together
And the effect of righteousness will be peace [internal and external], and the result of righteousness will be quietness and confident trust forever (Isaiah 32:17).
If you are feeling compelled to do so much that you are physically worn out, you may be driven instead of led. Remember, you have to come apart from a busy routine before you come apart yourself. You have to get away from everything before you come apart physically, mentally, and emotionally. Give yourself time to get a good night's sleep.
It is tempting to do everything that everybody else is doing, be involved in everything, know everything, hear everything, and be everywhere, but it isn't God's best for you. Be willing to separate yourself from compulsive activity before you come apart at the seams! Spend time with God, and ask Him to give order to your day.
If you are feeling compelled to do so much that you are physically worn out, you may be driven instead of led. Remember, you have to come apart from a busy routine before you come apart yourself. You have to get away from everything before you come apart physically, mentally, and emotionally. Give yourself time to get a good night's sleep.
It is tempting to do everything that everybody else is doing, be involved in everything, know everything, hear everything, and be everywhere, but it isn't God's best for you. Be willing to separate yourself from compulsive activity before you come apart at the seams! Spend time with God, and ask Him to give order to your day.
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Men Do Remember Anniversaries
MEN DO REMEMBER ANNIVERSARIES
A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband is not in bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wiped a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee. What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room, "Why are you down here at this time of night?"
The husband looks up from his coffee, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 16?" he asks solemnly.
The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring and sensitive. "Yes, I do" she replies. The husband paused. The words were not coming easily.
"Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?" "Yes, I remember" said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.
The husband continued. "Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, "Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years?" "I remember that too" she replied softly.
He wiped another tear from his cheek and said..."I would have gotten out today."
A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband is not in bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wiped a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee. What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room, "Why are you down here at this time of night?"
The husband looks up from his coffee, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 16?" he asks solemnly.
The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring and sensitive. "Yes, I do" she replies. The husband paused. The words were not coming easily.
"Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?" "Yes, I remember" said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.
The husband continued. "Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, "Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years?" "I remember that too" she replied softly.
He wiped another tear from his cheek and said..."I would have gotten out today."
BBQ Season
We are about to enter the summer and BBQ season. Therefore it is importantto refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity, as it's the only type of cooking a 'real' man will do, probably because there is an element of danger involved. When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion:
Routine...
(1) The woman buys the food.
(2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert.
(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill - beer in hand.
Here comes the important part:
(4) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.
More routine....
(5) The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery.
(6) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he deals with the situation.
Important again:
(7) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.
More routine....
(8) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces,and brings them to the table.
(9) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.
And most important of all:
(10) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts!
(11) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed "her night off." And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women....
Routine...
(1) The woman buys the food.
(2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert.
(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill - beer in hand.
Here comes the important part:
(4) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.
More routine....
(5) The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery.
(6) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he deals with the situation.
Important again:
(7) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.
More routine....
(8) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces,and brings them to the table.
(9) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.
And most important of all:
(10) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts!
(11) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed "her night off." And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women....
Top 20 Things you don't Say to A Cop when Pulled Over
The top 20 things not to say to a cop when he pulls you over.
20. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.
19. Sorry officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
18. Aren't you the guy from the villiage people?
17. Hey, you must have been doing 125 to keep up with me, good job.
16. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical shape to be a police officer.
15. I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.
14. Bad cop. No donut.
13. You're not going to check the trunk, are you?
12. Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence.
11. Didn't I see you get your butt kicked on cops?
10. Is it true that people become cops because they are too dumb to work at McDonalds?
9. I pay your salary!
8. So uh, you on the take or what?
7. Gee officer, that's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning.
6. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.
5. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there is no other cars around, that's how far they area head of me.
4. What do you mean have I been drinking? You are the trained specialist.
3. Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag ofcrack, my gun fell off of my lap and got lodged between the brake and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.
2. Hey, is that a 9mm? That's nothing compared to this 44 magnum.
1. Hey, can you give me another one of those full cavity searches?
Office Jokes
**Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings, they did it by killing all those who opposed them.
** If you can stay calm, while all around you is chaos...then you probably haven't completely understood the seriousness of the situation.
** Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job WRONG fourteen times gives you job security.
** Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
** Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity
** A person who smiles in the face of adversity...probably has a scapegoat.
** If at first you don't succeed, try management.
** Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.
** TEAMWORK...means never having to take all the blame yourself.
** The beatings will continue until morale improves.
** Never underestimate the power of very stupid people in large groups.
** We waste time, so you don't have to.
** Hang in there, retirement is only thirty years away!
** Go the extra mile. It makes your boss look like an incompetent slacker.
** A snooze button is a poor substitute for no alarm clock at all.
** When the going gets tough, the tough take a coffee break.
** INDECISION is the key to FLEXIBILITY.
** Succeed in spite of management.
** Aim Low, Reach Your Goals, Avoid Disappointment
** If you can stay calm, while all around you is chaos...then you probably haven't completely understood the seriousness of the situation.
** Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job WRONG fourteen times gives you job security.
** Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
** Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity
** A person who smiles in the face of adversity...probably has a scapegoat.
** If at first you don't succeed, try management.
** Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.
** TEAMWORK...means never having to take all the blame yourself.
** The beatings will continue until morale improves.
** Never underestimate the power of very stupid people in large groups.
** We waste time, so you don't have to.
** Hang in there, retirement is only thirty years away!
** Go the extra mile. It makes your boss look like an incompetent slacker.
** A snooze button is a poor substitute for no alarm clock at all.
** When the going gets tough, the tough take a coffee break.
** INDECISION is the key to FLEXIBILITY.
** Succeed in spite of management.
** Aim Low, Reach Your Goals, Avoid Disappointment
One Day.....
Hot Comments @ CommentHaven.com
One day a mother died .
And on that clear, cold morning, in the warmth of her bedroom, the daughter was struck with the pain of learning that sometimes there isn't any more.
No more hugs, no more lucky moments to celebrate together, no more phone calls just to chat, No more 'just one minute'
Sometimes, what we care about the most goes away. never to return before we can say good-bye, Say 'I Love You.'
So while we have it . . it's best we love it . . And care for it and fix it when it's broken and take good care of it when it's sick.
This is true for marriage ... and friendships
And children with bad report cards; And dogs with bad hips; And aging parents and grandparents We keep them because they are worth it, Because we cherish them!
Some things we keep -- like a best friend who moved away or a classmate we grew up with. There are just some things that make us happy, No matter what.
Life is important, and so are the people we know And so, we keep them close!
I received this from someone today who thought I was a 'KEEPER'!
Then I sent It to the people I Think of in the same way!
Thank you very much for being a special part of MY Life !
Heroe's Unaware
Hot Comments @ CommentHaven.com
HEROES UNAWARE
By Mark A. Wright, HMC(SS)22 June, 2000
I first saw him on a park bench
I've seen him every day
Sitting in a shady grove
Where my children come to play
Sometimes he feeds the birds and squirrels
Or whittles little toys
Sometimes he just sits and smiles
At the laughing girls and boys
And I never paid him any mind
'Till one day just this year
I noticed that he wore a frown
And on his cheek ... a tear.
Well I asked him why he seemed so down
He looked up, began to say
I lost half my friends 60 years ago today
He told me of the terror
As he fought to reach dry land
By the time the beachhead was secure
Half his friends lay in the sand
That was just in one long day
He fought on for 4 years more
And the 60 years from then to now
Have not dimmed His sights of war
He said they have reunions
Just to keep in touch and share
And for each comrade who has gone on
They leave an empty chair
Well, His park bench has been empty now
About 6 months or so
And if I'd never took the time
Then I never would've known
That sitting on that simple bench
With bread crumbs and little toys
Was a man who gave his all
To guarantee my daily joys
So give thanks to all the men and women
Who're still here or have gone before
And made the highest sacrifice
In both Peace time and in War
Because they bought our freedom
Paid their own blood, sweat, and tears
Then endured the heartache of those empty chairs
For all these years
So please do not ignore them
Or speed by without a care
'Cause you never know
When you might pass by
A hero, unaware
Just a Biker? (Dedicated to Holly)
JUST A BIKER??
I saw you hug your purse closer to you in the grocery store line. But you didn't see me put an extra $10.00 in the collection plate last Sunday.
I saw you pull your child closer when we passed each other on the sidewalk. But you didn't see me playing Santa at the local mall.
I saw you change your mind about going into the restaurant when you saw my bike parked out front. But you didn't see me attending a meeting to raise more money for the hurricane relief.
I saw you roll up your window and shake your head when I rode by. But you didn't see me riding behind you when you flicked your cigarette butt out the car window.
I saw you frown at me when I smiled at your children. But you didn't see me, when I took time off from work to run toys to the homeless.
I saw you stare at my long hair. But you didn't see me and my friends cut ten inches off for Locks of Love.
I saw you roll your eyes at our leather jackets and gloves. But you didn't see me and my brothers donate our old ones to those that had none.
I saw you look in fright at my tattoos. But you didn't see me cry as my children where born or have their name written over and in my heart.
I saw you change lanes while rushing off to go somewhere. But you didn't see me going home to be with my family.
I saw you, complain about how loud and noisy our bikes can be. But you didn't see me when you were changing the CD and drifted into my lane.
I saw you yelling at your kids in the car. But you didn't see me pat my child's hands knowing she was safe behind me.
I saw you reading the newspaper or map as you drove down the road. But you didn't see me squeeze my wife's leg when she told me to take the next turn.
I saw you race down the road in the rain. But you didn't see me get soaked to the skin so my son could have the car to go on his date.
I saw you run the yellow light just to save a few minutes of time. But you didn't see me trying to turn right.
I saw you cut me off because you needed to be in the lane I was in. But you didn't see me leave the road.
I saw you, waiting impatiently for my friends to pass. But you didn't see me. I wasn't there.
I saw you go home to your family. But you didn't see me. Because I died that day you cut me off. I was just a biker. A person with friends and a family. But you didn't see me.
EVEN IF YOU DON'T LIKE US, RESPECT OUR RIGHTS TO RIDE WHAT WE CHOOSE AND TAKE A FEW EXTRA SECONDS TO BE SURE WE ARE NOT IN 'YOUR' WAY
Dedicated to the memory of bikers who have lost their lives because those extra seconds were not taken to see if they were there.
*Please be respectful of bikers... Cars don't own the road... *
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Old Ladies Rock!
Hot Comments @ CommentHaven.com
Hot Comments @ CommentHaven.com
An older woman gets pulled over for speeding ...
Woman: "Is there a problem, Officer?"
Officer: "Ma'am, you were speeding."
Woman: "Oh, I see."
Officer: "Can I see your license, please?"
Woman: "I'd give it to you but I don't have one."
Officer: "You don't have one?"
Woman: "Lost it four years ago for drunk driving."
Officer: "I see. Show me your vehicle registration papers, please."
Woman: "I can't do that."
Officer: "Why not?"
Woman: "I stole this car."
Officer: "You stole it?"
Woman: "Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner."
Officer: "You did what?"
Woman: "His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see."
The officer slowly backs away to his car and calls for backup. Within minutes, five police vehicles circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, his hand clasping his half-drawn gun.
Senior Officer: "Ma'am, step out of your vehicle please!"
The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Woman: "Is there a problem, officer?"
Senior Officer: "One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner."
Woman: "Gracious! Murdered the owner?"
Senior Officer: "Yes, ma'am. Please open the trunk of your car."
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but empty space.
Senior Officer: "Is this your car, ma'am?"
Woman: "Of course it is. Here are the registration papers."
The officer is quite stunned.
Senior Officer: "Ma'am, my officer claims that you do not have a driver's license."
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.
The officer examines the license and hands it back to her, looking puzzled.
Senior Officer: "Thank you ma'am. My officer told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner."
Woman: "Oh, my goodness! And I'll bet the liar told you I was speeding, too!"
Becoming Illegal
STILL WAITING FOR MY FORM.....
Becoming Illegal
(Actual letter from an Iowa resident and sent to his senator)
The Honorable Tom Harkin
Dear Senator Harkin,
As a native Iowan and excellent customer of the Internal Revenue Service, I am writing to ask for your assistance. I have contacted the Department of Homeland Security in an effort to determine the process for becoming an illegal alien and they referred me to you.
My primary reason for wishing to change my status from U.S. Citizen to illegal alien stems from the bill which was recently passed by the Senate and for which you voted. If my understanding of this bill's provisions is accurate, as an illegal alien who has been in the United States for five years, all I need to do to become a citizen is to pay a $2,000 fine and income taxes for three of the last five years. I know a good deal when I see one and I am anxious to get the process started before everyone figures it out.
Simply put, those of us who have been here legally have had to pay taxes every year so I'm excited about the prospect of avoiding two years of taxes in return for paying a $2,000 fine. Is there any way that I can apply to be illegal retroactively? This would yield an excellent result for me and my family because we paid heavy taxes in 2004 and 2005.
Additionally, as an illegal alien I could begin using the local emergency room as my primary health care provider. Once I have stopped paying premiums for medical insurance, my accountant figures I could save almost $10,000 a year.
Another benefit in gaining illegal status is that my daughter would receive preferential treatment relative to her law school applications, as well as 'in-state' tuition rates for many colleges throughout the United States for my son.
Lastly, I understand that illegal status would relieve me the burden of renewing my driver's license and making those burdensome car insurance premiums. This is very important to me given that I still have college age children driving my car.
If you would provide me with an outline of the process to become illegal (retroactively if possible) and copies of the necessary forms, I would be most appreciative.
Thank you for your assistance.
Your Loyal Constituent,
Get your Forms NOW!! Call your Internal Revenue Service at 1-800-289-1040.
Please pass this onto your friends so they can save on this great offer!!!!
Becoming Illegal
(Actual letter from an Iowa resident and sent to his senator)
The Honorable Tom Harkin
731 Hart Senate Office Building
Phone (202) 224 3254
Washington DC , 20510
Dear Senator Harkin,
As a native Iowan and excellent customer of the Internal Revenue Service, I am writing to ask for your assistance. I have contacted the Department of Homeland Security in an effort to determine the process for becoming an illegal alien and they referred me to you.
My primary reason for wishing to change my status from U.S. Citizen to illegal alien stems from the bill which was recently passed by the Senate and for which you voted. If my understanding of this bill's provisions is accurate, as an illegal alien who has been in the United States for five years, all I need to do to become a citizen is to pay a $2,000 fine and income taxes for three of the last five years. I know a good deal when I see one and I am anxious to get the process started before everyone figures it out.
Simply put, those of us who have been here legally have had to pay taxes every year so I'm excited about the prospect of avoiding two years of taxes in return for paying a $2,000 fine. Is there any way that I can apply to be illegal retroactively? This would yield an excellent result for me and my family because we paid heavy taxes in 2004 and 2005.
Additionally, as an illegal alien I could begin using the local emergency room as my primary health care provider. Once I have stopped paying premiums for medical insurance, my accountant figures I could save almost $10,000 a year.
Another benefit in gaining illegal status is that my daughter would receive preferential treatment relative to her law school applications, as well as 'in-state' tuition rates for many colleges throughout the United States for my son.
Lastly, I understand that illegal status would relieve me the burden of renewing my driver's license and making those burdensome car insurance premiums. This is very important to me given that I still have college age children driving my car.
If you would provide me with an outline of the process to become illegal (retroactively if possible) and copies of the necessary forms, I would be most appreciative.
Thank you for your assistance.
Your Loyal Constituent,
Donald Ruppert
Burlington , IA
Get your Forms NOW!! Call your Internal Revenue Service at 1-800-289-1040.
Please pass this onto your friends so they can save on this great offer!!!!
Two Blonde Men
A couple of blonde men in a pickup truck drove into a lumberyard. One of the blonde men walked in the office and said, "We need some four-by-twos." The clerk said, "You mean two-by-fours, don't you?" The man said, "I'll go check," and went back to the truck.
He returned a minute later and said, "Yeah, I meant two-by-fours." "All right. How long do you need them?" asked the clerk. The customer paused for a minute and said, "Uh...I'd better go check." After a while, the blonde man returned to the office and said, "A long time. We're gonna build a house."
Angels Amoung Us
Angel Knocking at the Door
There came a frantic knock
At the doctor's office door,
A knock, more urgent than
he had ever heard before.
~~~~
"Come in, Come in,"
the impatient doctor said,
"Come in, Come in,
before you wake the dead."
~~
In walked a frightened little girl,
a child no more than nine,
It was plain for all to see,
she had troubles on her mind.
~~~
"Oh doctor, I beg you,
please come with me,
My mother is surely dying,
she's as sick as she can be."
~~~~
"I don't make house calls,
bring your mother here,"
"But she's too sick,
so you must come or she will die I fear."
~~~~
The doctor, touched by her devotion,
decided he would go,
She said he would be blessed,
more than he could know.
~~~~
She led him to her house
where her mother lay in bed,
Her mother was so very sick
she couldn't raise her head.
~~~~
But her eyes cried out for help
and help her the doctor did,
She would have died that very night
had it not been for her kid.
~~~~
The doctor got her fever down
and she lived through the night,
And morning brought the doctor signs,
that she would be all right.
~~~~
The doctor said he had to leave
but would return again by two,
And later he came back to check,
just like he said he'd do.
~~~~
The mother praised the doctor
for all the things he'd done,
He told her she would have died,
were it not for her little one.
~~~~
"How proud you must be
of your wonderful little girl,
It was her pleading that made me come,
she is really quite a pearl!
~~~~
"But doctor, my daughter died
over three years ago,
Is the picture on the wall
of the little girl you know?"
~~~~
The doctors legs went limp
for the picture on the wall,
Was the same little girl
for whom he'd made this call.
~~~~
The doctor stood motionless,
for quite a little while,
And then his solemn face,
was broken by his smile.
~~~~
He was thinking of that frantic knock
heard at his office door,
And of the beautiful little angel
that had walked across his floor.
~~~~
Share the Blessing of Heavenly Love!
If this E-mail meant nothing to you,
you may go ahead and delete it because
you will not receive bad luck
only a smaller, mis-shaped heart.
~~~~
But if you shared the same emotions as I,
then send it to all who will care.
And as you send it to each person,
your heart will grow bigger and stronger.
~~~~
I KNOW there are Angels among us.......
Women
Why are you crying, a young boy asked his Mom? "Because I'm a woman," she told him. "I don't understand," he said. His Mom just hugged him and said,"And you never will, but that's O.K.".......
Later the little boy asked his father,"Why does Mom seem to cry for no reason?".
"All women cry for no reason," was all his Dad could say......
The little boy grew up and became a man, Still wondering why women cry. Finally he put in a call to God and when God got back to him, he asked "God, why do women cry so easily?"
GOD answered.... .. "When I made woman, I decided she had to be special. I made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world, yet, made her arms gentle enough to give comfort...
I gave her the inner strength to endure childbirth and the rejection that many times will come even from her own children. I gave her a hardness that allows her to keep going and take care of her family and friends, even when everyone else gives up through sickness and fatigue without complaining. ...
I gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances. Even when her child has hurt her badly.... She has the very special power to make a child's boo-boo feel better and to quell a teenager's anxieties and fears....
I gave her strength to care for her husband despite faults and I fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart....
I gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife, but sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him. Unfalteringly. ... For all of this hard work, I also gave her a tear to shed. It is hers to use whenever needed and it is her only weakness....
When you see her cry,tell her how much you love her and all she does for everyone and even though she may still cry, you will have made her heart feel good.
She is special! Please send this to women you know, and those with mothers, sisters and special women in their lives. But, also send this to men so they will understand about what a wonderful thing a woman is.
Love Your Mother Always and Keep Her Smiling!
Later the little boy asked his father,"Why does Mom seem to cry for no reason?".
"All women cry for no reason," was all his Dad could say......
The little boy grew up and became a man, Still wondering why women cry. Finally he put in a call to God and when God got back to him, he asked "God, why do women cry so easily?"
GOD answered.... .. "When I made woman, I decided she had to be special. I made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world, yet, made her arms gentle enough to give comfort...
I gave her the inner strength to endure childbirth and the rejection that many times will come even from her own children. I gave her a hardness that allows her to keep going and take care of her family and friends, even when everyone else gives up through sickness and fatigue without complaining. ...
I gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances. Even when her child has hurt her badly.... She has the very special power to make a child's boo-boo feel better and to quell a teenager's anxieties and fears....
I gave her strength to care for her husband despite faults and I fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart....
I gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife, but sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him. Unfalteringly. ... For all of this hard work, I also gave her a tear to shed. It is hers to use whenever needed and it is her only weakness....
When you see her cry,tell her how much you love her and all she does for everyone and even though she may still cry, you will have made her heart feel good.
She is special! Please send this to women you know, and those with mothers, sisters and special women in their lives. But, also send this to men so they will understand about what a wonderful thing a woman is.
Love Your Mother Always and Keep Her Smiling!
THINGS THAT IT TOOK ME OVER 50 YEARS TO LEARN By Dave Barry
THINGS THAT IT TOOK ME OVER 50 YEARS TO LEARN By Dave Barry
1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."
3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
5. You should not confuse your career with your life.
6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
7. Never lick a steak knife.
8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.
12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.
13. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)
14. Your friends love you anyway.
15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.
FINAL Thought for the day: Men are like a fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.
The way to be happy is to make others so.
1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."
3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
5. You should not confuse your career with your life.
6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
7. Never lick a steak knife.
8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.
12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.
13. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)
14. Your friends love you anyway.
15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.
FINAL Thought for the day: Men are like a fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.
The way to be happy is to make others so.
Cute Story
A woman asks her husband, "Would you like some bacon and eggs?
A slice of toast and maybe some grapefruit and coffee?"
He declines. "Thanks for asking, but I'm not hungry right now. It's this Viagra," he says.
"It's really taken the edge off my appetite."
At lunchtime she asked if he would like something.
"A bowl of soup, homemade muffins, or a cheese sandwich?"
He declines. "The Viagra," he says, "really trashes my desire for food."
Come dinner time, she asks if he wants anything to eat.
"Would you like a juicy rib eye steak and scrumptious apple pie? Or maybe a rotisserie chicken or tasty stir fry?"
He declines again. "No," he says, "It's got to be the Viagra... I'm still not hungry".
"Well," she says, "Would you mind letting me up? I'm starving!"
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)