The Painter

There was a painter named Wayne who was very interested in making a penny where he could, so he often thinned down his paint to make it go a wee bit further.

As it happened, he got away with this for some time, but eventually the
Baptist Church decided to do a big restoration job on one of their
biggest buildings.

Wayne put in a bid and because his price was so low he got the job.

So he set about erecting the scaffolding, setting up the planks, and
buying the paint. Yes, I am sorry to say, thinning it down with
turpentine.

Well, Wayne was up on the scaffolding, painting away, the job nearly
completed, when suddenly there was a horrendous clap of thunder, the sky
opened, and the rain poured down washing the thinned paint from all over
the church and knocking Wayne clear off the scaffold to land on the lawn
among the grave stones, surrounded by telltale puddles of the thinned and
useless paint.

Wayne was no fool! He knew this was a judgment from the Almighty, so he
got down on his knees and cried: "Oh, God, forgive me; what should I do?"

And from the thunder, a mighty voice spoke...


"Repaint! Repaint! And thin no more!".



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Minnie Pauz.... Gotta Love them 3

They are so true... I love to share these with you. Here's her link to her website...
www.minniepauz.com - Hope you enjoy her cartoons as much as I do. :)

Minnie Pauz.... Gotta Love them 2

They are so true... I love to share these with you. Here's her link to her website...
www.minniepauz.com Hope you enjoy her cartoons. :)

Minnie Pauz.... Gotta Love them

They are so true... I love to share these with you. Here's her link to her website...
www.minniepauz.com - Hope you enjoy her cartoons. :)

Have you ever had one of those days.....

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Toronto

A PLANE IS ON ITS WAY TO TORONTO, WHEN A BLONDE IN ECONOMY CLASS GETS UP, AND MOVES TO THE FIRST CLASS SECTION AND SITS DOWN.

THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT WATCHES HER DO THIS, AND ASKS TO SEE HER TICKET.SHE THEN TELLS THE BLONDE THAT SHE PAID FOR ECONOMY CLASS, AND THAT SHE WILL HAVE TO SIT IN THE BACK.

THE BLONDE REPLIES, 'I'M BLONDE, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I'MGOING TO TORONTO AND I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE.'

THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT GOES INTO THE COCKPIT AND TELLSTHE PILOT AND THE CO-PILOT THAT THERE IS A BLONDE BIMBO SITTING IN FIRST CLASS, THAT BELONGS IN ECONOMY, AND WON'T MOVE BACK TO HER SEAT.

THE CO-PILOT GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND TRIES TOEXPLAIN THAT BECAUSE SHE ONLY PAID FOR ECONOMY SHE W ILL HAVE TO LEAVE AND RETURN TO HER SEAT.

THE BLONDE REPLIES, 'I'M BLONDE, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I'M GOING TO TORONTO AND I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE.'

THE CO-PILOT TELLS THE PILOT THAT HE PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE THE POLICE WAITING WHEN THEY LAND TO ARREST THIS BLONDE WOMAN WHO WON'T LISTEN TO REASON.

THE PILOT SAYS, 'YOU SAY SHE IS A BLONDE? I'LL HANDLE THIS, I'M MARRIED TO A BLONDE. I SPEAK BLONDE.'

HE GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND WHISPERS IN HER EAR,AND SHE SAYS, 'OH, I'M SORRY.' AND GETS UP AND GOES BACK TO HER SEAT IN ECONOMY..

THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT AND CO-PILOT ARE AMAZED AND ASKED HIM WHAT HE SAID TO MAKE HER MOVE WITHOUT ANY FUSS.'I TOLD HER, 'FIRST CLASS ISN'T GOING TO TORONTO '

Life Explained

On the first day, God created the dog and said:

'Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks
past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.'

The dog said: 'That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?'

So God agreed.

On the second day, God created the monkey and said:

'Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span.'

The monkey said: 'Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to
perform. How about I give you back ten like the Dog did?'

And God agreed.

On the third day, God created the cow and said:

'You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the
sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will
give you a life span of sixty years.'

The cow said: 'That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?'

And God agreed again.

On the fourth day, God created man and said:

'Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years.'

But man said: 'Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the
forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?'

'Okay,' said God, 'You asked for it.'

So that is why for our first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy
ourselves. For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family.
For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And
for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained to you.

13 Things PMS Stands For‏

13 THINGS PMS STANDS FOR:

1. PASS MY SHOTGUN
2. PSYCHOTIC MOOD SWING
3. PERPETUAL MUNCHING SPREE
4. PUFFY MID-SECTION
5. PEOPLE MAKE me SICK
6. PROVIDE ME with SWEETS
7. PARDON MY SOBBING
8. PIMPLES MAY SURFACE
9. PASS MY SWEATS
10. PISSY MOOD SYNDROME
11. POOR MEN SUCK
12. PACK MY STUFF
13. POTENTIAL MURDER SUSPECT

The Frog

An accountant was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week." The accountant guy took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.

The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I'll stay with you for a week and do ANYTHING you want." Again the accountant guy took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

Finally the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"

The accountant said, "Look, I work as an accountant. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog - now that's cool."

The Big Flash

The Big Flash=========

For those of you who are old enough to remember, what you were doing when you heard the news that President Kennedy had been shot? I was almost seven years old. I was walking down a large hill leading to our house on Rockmart Drive heading home from school. Someone pulled up beside me in a car and said, "President Kennedy has been shot." That's been almost 40 years ago and though I was just a small boy, the memory vividly lingers. Major traumatic events like a camera flash freeze the moment. It is a picture that remains and even time itself doesn't erase it.

Most Americans remember what they were doing when a traumatic event occurred. Today is such a day for me. It's February 6th. The day has no special meaning for most of you but for me it's one of those flash days. It's not exactly the typical Kodak™ moment. February 6th is the day my brother died. I remember receiving a 911 page on my beeper. I had been in the shower and didn't answer the phone. When I returned the call it was my youngest brother telling me that my 38-year-old brother had been taken to the hospital after passing out. It was Sunday morning. I was due to deliver the Sunday morning message in church in two hours. I rushed to the hospital. Only my brother's wife was there when I arrived. She explained the events of the morning. Although I knew from the description it sounded medically serious, I knew my brother was a young, healthy, and vibrant man. The thought of death seemed impossible.

Two of his neighbors were doctors and they rode in the ambulance with him and even went into the emergency room to assist. When his neighbor walked out of the emergency room and walked past us shaking his head he spoke no words. The gesture and look was enough to convey the meaning. This couldn't be. . . and yet it was. It was the greatest mountain that I had ever faced. It was a blinding flash. He had a blood clot in his leg migrate to his lungs. He had complained and gone to the hospital with difficulty of breathing several days earlier. The doctors ran tests and said that he was fine and sent him home. If he had been diagnosed properly, anti-clotting drugs could have easily dissolved the clot before it did fatal damage.

Often mountains are caused by the failure of others to do theirjob properly. People will make mistakes. You will make mistakes. I will make mistakes. Of all of the sermons that I have preached, I can only remember the exact date and subject of one, the sermon that I preached on that Sunday morning. There was nothing fantastic about the sermon just as there was nothing fantastic about my downhill walk on the day PresidentKennedy was shot. But it was a sermon preached in the light of a flash. You remember everything in the light of a flash. In my mind I was tempted to change my prepared sermon and deliver a message appropriate to the moment. A still small voice said, "No, deliver that which you have been given. "The message was entitled, "Would Jesus be happy with your giving?" I later understood the importance of that message in light of the events of that day. When we leave this world, it won't be important what we've gotten, but rather what we gave. All ofour accumulations and possessions won't really matter. Great mountains will change you. They are the challenges and the obstacles that will either make you stronger or break you. They will make you better or bitter, a climber or a complainer The mountain will allow you to see a vision that you can't see from the valley. The mountain can also make you so cringe with the fear of falling that you tightly clamp your eyes shut. You can revel in the purerarefied air. You can gasp for breath from the thinness of it. The mountain can do great or terrible things. It depends on both perspective and preparation. A flash can change your life like none other. It can either blind you or illuminate dark areas where you could not see. It depends on both perspective and preparation.

The Kennedy flash I remember very well but it didn't change me. I was never the same after the February 6th flash. I later preached a sermon about how the experience changed my life. It is still one of the most downloaded and listened to sermonson TheOnLineWord.com. It's called "1 Hour and 40 Minutes." If you ever have the flash of the loss of a loved one, go and listen to “1 Hour and 40 Minutes” and “The Eulogy of EffieThomas.”

It will help you fly over that mountain. I shouldn't say "if" you ever have a flash of the loss of a loved one. If you live long enough, you will have several. Those types of flashes MUST come. It is an inevitable part of life. You cannot stop them and often can't even delay them. The flashes are not the problem. The problem is not being prepared to fly when the inevitable flashes come. How do you prepare for a flash? You don't. You learn to live each day to the best of your ability and to see the beauty. You learn to laugh at the traffic jam instead of cursing it. You learn to smile when someone attacks you. You learn to have patience when the grocery checkout line stands still. You learn to handle the little things. The little things prepare you for the big flashes.

When my brother left this earth, I could honestly say that I had done everything as an older brother that I could have done for him in life. When he had gone to the hospital days earlier I laid my hands on him and prayed a prayer of comfort and peace. His told his wife later that he felt a warm glow go over him and his fear left him. It was just a touch, but a touch in love. Neither of us knew what lay ahead. Neither do you know what is ahead. Don't worry about that. Just do the right thing now. Stay at peace in the grocery line. Stay at peace with the little things. Touch someone in love and treat your brother right. Then you'll be better prepared to handle the big flashes. It depends on both perspective and preparation. Whether the big flashes light you up Or burn you up.

~A MountainWings Original~

Smile-Breakfast at McDonald's

Breakfast at McDonald's

This is a good story and is true, please read it all the way through until the end! (After the story, there are some very interesting facts!):

I am a mother of three (ages 14, 12, 3) and have recently completed my college degree.

The last class I had to take was Sociology.

The teacher was absolutely inspiring with the qualities that I wish every human being had been graced with.

Her last project of the term was called, 'Smile.'

The class was asked to go out and smile at three people and document their reactions.

I am a very friendly person and always smile at everyone and say hello anyway.So, I thought this would be a piece of cake, literally.

Soon after we were assigned the project, my husband, youngest son, and I wentout to McDonald's one crisp March morning.

It was just our way of sharing special playtime with our son.

We were standing in line, waiting to be served, when all of a sudden everyone around us began to back away, and then even my husband did.

I did not move an inch... an overwhelming feeling of panic welled up inside ofme as I turned to see why they had moved.

As I turned around I smelled a horrible 'dirty body' smell, and there standing behind me were two poor homeless men.

As I looked down at the short gentleman, close to me, he was 'smiling'.

His beautiful sky blue eyes were full of God's Light as he searched for acceptance.

He said, 'Good day' as he counted the few coins he had been clutching.

The second man fumbled with his hands as he stood behind his friend. I realizedthe second man was mentally challenged and the blue-eyed gentleman was his salvation.

I held my tears as I stood there with them.

The young lady at the counter asked him what they wanted.

He said, 'Coffee is all Miss' because that was all they could afford (If theywanted to sit in the restaurant and warm up, they had to buy something. He justwanted to be warm).

Then I really felt it - the compulsion was so great I almost reached out andembraced the little man with the blue eyes.

That is when I noticed all eyes in the restaurant were set on me, judging my every action.

I smiled and asked the young lady behind the counter to give me two morebreakfast meals on a separate tray.

I then walked around the corner to the table that the men had chosen as aresting spot. I put the tray on the table and laid my hand on the blue-eyedgentleman's cold hand.

He looked up at me, with tears in his eyes, and said, 'Thank you.'

I leaned over, began to pat his hand and said, 'I did not do this for you. Godis here working through me to give you hope.'

I started to cry as I walked away to join my husband and son. When I sat downmy husband smiled at me and said, 'That is why God gave you to me, Honey, togive me hope.'

We held hands for a moment and at that time, we knew that only because of theGrace that we had been given were we able to give.

We are not church goers, but we are believers.

That day showed me the pure Light of God's sweet love.

I returned to college, on the last evening of class, with this story in hand.

I turned in 'my project' and the instructor read it.

Then she looked up at me and said, 'Can I share this?'

I slowly nodded as she got the attention of the class.

She began to read and that is when I knew that we as human beings and beingpart of God share this need to heal people and to be healed.

In my own way I had touched the people at McDonald's, my son,the instructor,and every soul that shared the classroom on the last night I spent as a collegestudent.

I graduated with one of the biggest lessons I would ever learn:

UNCONDITIONAL ACCEPTANCE.

Much love and compassion is sent to each and every person who may read this andlearn how to

LOVE PEOPLE AND USE THINGS -
NOT LOVE THINGS AND USE PEOPLE.

God's Gift to You

Everything God made is good. And nothing
Should be refused if it is accepted with thanks.
1 TIMOTHY 4:4

Life is God's gift to you, and He intends that you celebrate His glorious gift. If you're a person who treasures each day, you will be blessed by your Father in heaven.

For Christian believers, everyday begins and ends with God and His Son. Christ came to this earth to give us abundant life and eternal salvation. Our task is to accept Christ's grace with joy in our hearts and praise on our lips. Believers who fashion their days around Jesus are transformed: they see the world differently, they act differently, and the feel differently about themselves and their neighbors.

So whatever this day holds for you, begin it and end it with God as your partner and Christ as your Savior. And throughout the day, give thanks to the One who created you and saved you. God's love for you is infinite. Accept it joyously and be thankful. AMEN

The Law of the Garbage Truck

One day I hopped in a taxi and we took off for the airport. We were driving in the right lane when suddenly a black car jumped out of a parking space right in front of us. My taxi driver slammed on his breaks, skidded, and missed the other car by just inches!

The driver of the other car whipped his head around and started yelling at us. My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy. And I mean, he was really friendly. So I asked, 'Why did you just do that? This guy almost ruined your car and sent us to the hospital!' This is when my taxi driver taught me what I now call, ' The Law of the Garbage Truck.' He explained that many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it and sometimes they'll dump it on you. Don't take it personally. Just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on. Don't take their garbage and spread it to other people at work, at home, or on the streets.

The bottom line is that successful people do not let garbage trucks take over their day. Life's too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, so... 'Love the people who treat you right. Pray for the ones who don't.'

Life is ten percent what you make it and ninety percent how you take it!

Beyond Your Hardships

He gives power to the weak,
And to those who have no might
He increases strength
ISAIAH 40:29

We as Christians have many reasons to celebrate. God is in His heaven; Christ has risen, and we are the sheep of His flock. Yet sometimes, even the most devout Christian can become discouraged. After all, we live in a world where expectations can be high and demands can be even higher. If you become discouraged with the direction of your day or your life turn your thoughts and prayers to God. He is a God of possibility, not negativity. He will help you count your blessings instead of your hardships.And then, with a renewed spirit of optimism and hope, you can properly thank Your Father in heaven for your blessings, for His love and for His Son. AMEN

Neighbor

If our English word "neighbor" had stuck to its etymological roots, determining who our neighbor is might have been a bit easier. "Neighbor" is derived from a German word that was a compound made up of "near" and "dweller, especially a farmer." In other words, in centuries-ago Germany, a nahgabur was someone, likely another farmer, whom you knew because he lived near you.

But when Jesus told the story of the good Samaritan, He established a definition even older than Europe's Middle Ages. Your neighbor is not someone who necessarily lives near you, nor does it have to be someone with whom you are acquainted.

According to Jesus in Luke 10:25-37, my neighbor is any person who has a need that I am able to meet. Jesus made the point in His parable that the man the Good Samaritan helped was a stranger—not a "near-dweller." Yet the Samaritan assumed the responsibility for doing everything he could to help.

Today we think of neighbors as those who live on our street or in our neighborhood. Yet, using Jesus' definition, we have many more neighbors than those. We need to broaden the boundaries of our neighborhood to include the whole world.

If my heart is right with God, every human being is my neighbor. Oswald Chambers

You Know You Grew Up In the 80's

You Know You Grew Up In the 80's if:

1. You've ever ended a sentence with the word SIKE.
2. You can sing the rap to the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and can do the Carlton
3. You know that 'WOAH' comes from Joey on Blossom
4. If you ever watched 'Fraggle Rock'
5. It was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons.
6. You wore a ponytail on the side of your head.
7. You got super-excited when it was Oregon Trail day in computerclass at school.
8. You made your mom buy one of those clips that would hold your shirtin a knot on the side.
9. You played the game 'MASH'(Mansion, Apartment, Shelter, House)
10. You wore stonewashed Jordache jean jackets and were proud of it.
11. You know the profound meaning of ' WAX ON , WAX OFF'
12. You wanted to be a Goonie.
13. You ever wore fluorescent clothing. (some of us...head-to-toe)
14. You can remember what Michael Jackson looked like before his nosefell off and his cheeks shifted. (and he was still black)
15. You have ever pondered why Smurfette was the only female smurf.
16. You took lunch boxes to school...and traded Garbage Pailkids inthe schoolyard.
17. You remember the CRAZE, then the BANNING of slap bracelets.
18. You still get the urge to say 'NOT' after every sentence.
19. You thought your childhood friends would never leave because youexchanged handmade friendship bracelets.
21. You ever owned a pair of Jelly-Shoes.
22. After you saw Pee-Wee's Big Adventure you kept saying 'I know youare, but what am I?'
23. You remember 'I've fallen and I can't get up'
24. You remember going to the skating rink before there were inline skates.
25. You have ever played with a Skip-It.
26. You remember boom boxes and walking around with one on yourshoulder like you were all that.
27. You remember watching both Gremlins movies.
28. You thought Doogie Howser/Samantha Micelli was hot.
29. You remember Alf, the lil furry brown alien from Melmac.
30. You remember New Kids on the Block when they were cool...and don'teven flinch when people refer to them as 'NKOTB'
31. You knew all the characters names and their life stories on 'SavedBy The Bell,' The ORIGINAL class.
32. You know all the words to Bon Jovi - SHOT THROUGH THE HEART.
33. You just now sang those words to yourself.
34. You still sing 'We are the World'
35. You tight rolled your jeans.
36. You owned a bannana clip.
37. You remember 'Where's the Beef?'
38. You used to (and probably still do) say 'What you talkin' 'bout Willis?'
39. You're still singing shot through the heart in your head, aren't you!

Golfing

A man staggered into a hospital with a concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes, and a five iron wrapped tightly aroundhis throat.

Naturally, the Doctor asked him,"What happened to you??

"Well, I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole; we both sliced our balls into a cow pasture. We went to look for them and while I was looking around I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end. "

"I walked over, lifted its tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife's monogram on it - stuck right in the middle of the Cow's butt.

Still holding the cow's tail up, I yelled to my wife, "Hey, this looks like yours!'

"I don't remember much after that ..."

Rain

There was a preacher whose wife was expecting a baby so he went before the congregation and asked for a raise. After much discussion, they passed a rule that whenever the preacher's family expanded, so would his paycheck.

After 6 children, this started to get expensive and the congregation decided
to hold another meeting to discuss the preacher's salary. There was
much yelling and bickering about how much the clergyman's additional
children were costing the church.

Finally, the Preacher got up and spoke to the crowd, "Children are a gift
from God," he said. Silence fell on the congregation.

In the back pew, a little old lady stood up and in her frail voice
said, "Rain is also a gift from God, but when we get too much of it, we wear
rubbers." And the congregation said, "Amen."

Women

~ Women think all beer is the same.

~ Women brush their hair before bed.

~ Women are paid less than men, except for one field: Modelling.

~ Women never have anything to wear. Don't question the racks of clothes in the closet; you 'just don't understand'.

~ Women need to cry. And they won't do it alone unless they know you can hear them.

~ Women will always ask questions that have no right answer, in an effort to trap you into feeling guilty.

~ Women need to feel like there are people worse off than they are. That's why soap operas and Oprah Winfrey-type shows are so successful.

~ Women always go to public restrooms in groups. It gives them a chance to gossip.

~ Women do not know anything about cars. 'Oil-stick, oil doesn't stick?'

~ Women love to talk. Silence intimidates them and they feel a need to fill it, even if they have nothing to say.

~ Women hate bugs. Even the strong-willed ones need a man around when there's a spider or a wasp involved.

~ Women can't keep secrets. They eat away at them from the inside. And they don't view it as being untrustworthy, providing they only tell two or three people.

~ Women love to shop. It is the one area of the world where they feel like they're actually in control.

~ Women especially love a bargain. The question of 'need' is irrelevant; so don't bother pointing it out. Anything on sale is fair game. ~ Women never understand why men love toys. Men understand that they wouldn't need toys if women had an 'on/off' switch.

~ Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

~ Women have better restrooms. They get the nice chairs and red carpet. Men just get a large bowl to share.

~ The average number of items in a typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

~ Women don't understand the appeal of sports. Men seek entertainment that allows them to escape reality. Women seek entertainment that reminds them of how horrible things could be.

~ Women can't refuse to answer a ringing phone, no matter what she's doing. It might be the lottery calling.

~ If a man goes on a seven-day trip, he'll pack five days worth of clothes and will wear some things twice; if a woman goes on a seven day trip she'll pack 21 outfits because she doesn't know what she'll feel like wearing each day.

~ Women keep three different shampoos and two different conditioners in the shower. After a woman showers, the bathroom will smell like a tropical rain forest.

~ Women are never wrong. Apologizing is the man's responsibility, 'It's there in the Bible'. Hmmm, who was it that gave Adam the apple?

Parking Confusion

After driving up and down several lanes, I finally found a parking
spot at the shopping mall. I noticed another man driving very slowly
in the same direction, and, since he was closer, I gave him the "Are
you going to park there?" look.

His responding gestures were very confusing. First he shook his head.
Next he pointed at me, then at the parking space and then at himself,
his watch and the mall. Finishing off, he frowned, raised his palms
upward and shrugged. Once I parked, I walked over to the driver to
make sure he didn't want the space.

"You must be single," he replied. "If you were married, you would've
known that was the universal sign for 'Go ahead and take the spot.
I'm waiting for my wife.'"